engagement

It is hard to believe that 2 years ago today me and Mark were out on a hike and he proposed. I had no idea it was going to happen. I was actually scheduled to work that day but got an "A" day. It was so nice and unexpected. We had planned to take the same hike today but the weather is not cooperating with us (rain). Instead I came up with the idea to go ice skating this afternoon. I have not been on skates since I was young so it should be interesting and hopefully we won't get hurt. Then we are going to a local winery, Testarossa, that we belong to for a tasting. From there dinner at Steamer's in Los Gatos which is actually where Mark asked my dad if he had his blessing to marry me. I am looking forward to a fun filled day with my wonderful husband. My life would not be the same without him. I am truly blessed. I love you Mark.

holidays

It has been a difficult few weeks for me. I've been a little depressed but pushing through. A few weeks ago I went to see my oncologist and was just expecting a quick, "you look great, see you in 3 months", visit but got more then that. I was overwhelmed by the information and things I needed to put on my "to do" list. The biggest challenge for me was my first zoladex injection. This shot will put my ovaries in a menopausal state for the next 5 years while I take arimidex, a pill that I will take daily. I have to get the shot once a month for the next 5 years. I was just enjoying the thought of being done with everything and then the thought of doing this every month really upset me. I've been handling everything really well (so I think) and then when it came time for this shot I lost it. I cried the night before and even after I got the injection I stopped by my oncologists office and talked to her and a few other people while I was there. Even cried on the drive home. I have no idea why it was so hard for me, I've done surgery, chemo and radiation, geez. One thing that made me feel better was hearing my oncologist tell me that I did not sign a 5 year contract and that if I want to stop at any point she will support me. She told me she'd obviously try to talk me out of it but she would support whatever decision I make. I think all of these feelings are happening because I am now trying to live a "normal" life. Not only am I trying to get back to normal but it is the holidays and we will be in California for them. To top it all off I had to have some dental work done which sounded like an easy procedure and ended needing a crown with crown lengthening (cut my gum, cut out some bone, and moved it to where the crown is to help hold it in place). The dentist told me today that it would not hurt that bad, b---s--- is all I have to say.

Sorry for venting, this has been building up for weeks. Although I will miss my family dearly, I am looking forward to spending Christmas Eve with the Cox's.

Happy Holidays to all:)

hello

I have had an interesting (not sure that is the right word) few weeks. I worked today and now it is late so I will write more tomorrow. Really looking forward to a relaxing weekend with Mark. Back to work on Monday:(

Night Night for now...

Happy December

It has been awhile since my last post. I've been super busy with family and friends. I got to PA late on Sunday 11/21 and it's been go, go, go ever since. Monday night I went over to my sister's house to see her and Sadie and Ella. We had a fun night, went out to eat and of course had a dance party when we got home. I love having dance parties with them! Think I love it more then they do:) Mark flew in that night so he was at my parents house when I got back. On Tuesday we went to Roosevelt Paper, where my dad works, to have lunch with him and meet his co-workers. They have all been praying for me so it was so great meeting all of them and I'm sure they liked putting a face with their prayers. From there we drove to Doylestown to visit Bubba and Jess (Bubba is Mark's college friend). They have 2 little girls, Olivia and Maisey. Jess and I enjoyed some girl chat while Mark watched the kid's. He was so nervous that Maisey was going to fall and hurt herself, it was so cute. We had a lovely dinner and drinks then headed back to my parents house. Thanksgiving we went to my Aunt Barbara and Uncle Jerry's house in Denver, PA. That is where we have been going for years. Mark and I have not been there for 3 years so it was nice to be back. It was me, Mark, mom, dad, brother, Kelly, sister, Sadie, Ella, cousin Jerry, Aunt Barbara and Uncle Jerry. It was a great day. That night we all went back to my parents house (minus Sadie and Ella) and played cards. Friday lunch was with my mom, Diane, Martie, Ron, and Maria. It was so nice to see all of them. For dinner we went out for Stacey's birthday which was on 11/20. As you can see it feels like all I've done is eat, sleep, eat, sleep. Saturday night was dinner in West Chester then to our friend Daryl's house for drinks with some friends. We had a nice night, it was so good seeing everyone. I started feeling sick Sunday morning which got worse over the course of the day and in to Monday. My flight was Monday at 430. I called my oncologist office that day for something completely different. They heard my voice and I mentioned that I had to get on a plane later that day and they said that was a bad idea that I should stay put until I am feeling better. Well to make a long story shorter, I called the airline and cancelled my flight and went to the doc on Tuesday. She told me I have bronchitis. They gave me a neb tx in the office, started me on a zpack, inhaler, and cough syrup with codeine. She recommended that I not fly until the end of the week. So here I am still in PA.

I really wanted to get back for Friday b/c my friend Jill was coming up from LA to visit and we have our C2 holiday party Friday night. Well turns out Jill has been sick with a stomach bug so she cancelled her flight so now I plan to stay in town until Saturday or Sunday. I am sad that Jill's trip got changed and sad that I am missing the holiday party this year. I know there is always next year:( This afternoon I am going to venture out after being in the house all week. I am feeling better just can't stop coughing. It's been a nice extended stay with my family. I'll keep you all posted when I am getting back to CA.

DONE

Well I am happy to announce that I am done radiation. I finished treatment number 28 yesterday! It was so strange not having radiation today. It really became a full-time job. I told my radiology girls yesterday that I might have to just show up there today just because. They laughed and said that was fine I could come in and hang out with them. I walked out and wanted to scream but the man in the waiting room did not look too happy so I decided to hold it in and then cry once he was out of sight. I had to go back to work for 2 meetings then went to PF Chang's with some of the girls to celebrate. It was a nice end to a long day and journey.

I am having a good day today. I met up with Lynda for lunch and a little window shopping then went for a run. Just got back and called my mom and then got a bath and used one of my bath ice cream's from my Aunt Lynne, so relaxing. I am feeling a little "down" today. I haven't figured out why yet but I assume it is because my life has changed yet again. It has been a looonnngg 6 months of crap and now today it is OVER, scary but good. I know many of you are thinking, you should be happy. Don't get me wrong, I am, but also sad/confused at the same time. Oh well, I'll figure it out.

Wishing it was Sunday at 8:50pm and I am getting off the plane in Philadelphia and being greeted by my mom and dad:) 2 more days....

Almost forgot, I will see my cardiologist tomorrow at 11:30 and hope to never have to see him again. I'll write tomorrow with any important updates from him.

good news

Well the nurse today that did my echo said that she did not see any fluid around my heart. I will no for sure when I see my cardiologist on Friday but I do trust the nurse. This is what she does all day and both times previous she pointed out the fluid to me. My only problem now is feeling exhausted. I slept in today until 930 but could not kick the tired feeling. I came home from my echo and slept a few hours this afternoon. I guess I cannot complain too much b/c this is my last week of radiation. I am happy that my energy was high for the first 5 weeks. Here is to a better, more energy day tomorrow!!!

almost done

Work went well on Tuesday and Wednesday however I was exhausted on Wednesday but got through my 8 hour day. That night I met a friend from the YSC and Stacy at the wine bar in the pruneyard. It was hard to keep my eyes open but so glad we were able to meet for a drink. After my treatment on Thursday I saw the doctor and she said my skin was still looking ok although the pain had increased. She said she'd stop in this week on Wednesday to see how I was doing since that is my last day. I'll be getting a PET scan done mid-end of February and then seeing her after I have it done to discuss results. She said she usually does a CT scan but since I am allergic to the dye she'd do the PET first and then CT if we need it. I am hopefully we won't need to do any further tests!

I found out a few weeks ago that my Aunt Lynne and Uncle Dave from Dallas were coming to town to stay at the Ritz for a few nights and they were hoping we could get together. It worked out that I had off on Friday so we had planned to meet for dinner. I talked to my Aunt earlier this week and she asked if Mark would like to golf Friday morning with my Uncle. Mark had planned to take me to radiation so I asked my Aunt if she would like to join me instead. It worked out perfect. The men golfed and the ladies did radiation! After my appt we went over to C2 and I showed her around and introduced her to some co-workers. The next stop was the Stanford Shopping center. It was great having my Aunt with me and nice that I got to show her where my second home is, C2. We met back up at 530 and gave them a quick driving tour of Stanford then had dinner at Lavanda. Dinner was fabulous! I am so glad it worked out that we were able to spend time with them.

I was super tired on Saturday, slept in and even took a long nap in the afternoon. The pain under my arm has been keeping me up at night, NO FUN. I was scheduled to work today but decided to take an "R & R" day. This is my last week of radiation so I do not want to overdue it. I am ready to be done, 1-2-3 more to go. Tomorrow I have radiation and then my f/u echo to see if I still have fluid around my heart. I have not had any chest pain so I am sure that everything will be fine. The nurses are really good and I know they will tell me during the test if they see anything unusual. I do not see my cardiologist until Friday and would really hate if I had to wait that long. Like I said, they usually tell me what they see. I'll be sure to write another post tomorrow with an update.

Off to enjoy a glass of wine, cheers...

skin

My first day back at work on Sunday was wonderful. I felt so loved and welcomed. Everyone checked in with me all day to make sure I was doing ok and offer help if needed. I must say, it was also really nice working with pts again. It wasn't before long that I felt that feeling of joy knowing that I love being a nurse. The day went smooth, just took me a little longer do to certain things and I found myself forgetting simple items like alcohol swabs, flushes, tape, etc. This meant making several trips in and out of my pts rooms. All in all it was a good day. Sunday night I was in bed by 10 and felt super tired when I first woke-up. Once I got up and moving and had my coffee I was fine. Monika drove me to radiation which was actually eventful. Over the weekend the skin under my arm had become more red, almost purple, painful, and broken down in one area so I asked to see the doctor before my radiation. Her first recommendation was take a break from tx until Thursday. My response, NO WAY, get it done. After a few more convincing words she agreed to keep moving but said we'd have to take it day by day and keep a close eye on it. It makes it worse b/c there is friction when I swing my arm which I do all day while walking. She prescribed silvadene lotion to apply at night, domeboro, and vigilon. I've been doing my best to keep up with all of it and really hoping it helps. I sure was glad to have a friend there with me for all of this. After my tx Monika and I went to Santana Row for lunch and a little shopping. It was a great day but did not end there. When I got home I had 2 boxes waiting for me from my cousin Melissa. Here she had a dinner party last week with her friends and asked them all to bring something to put in a care package for me. There were so many goodies; books, journals, a scarf, lotion, bath foam, nail polish, lip sticks/glosses, and lots more. After opening all the items I noticed a card. It was signed by my cousin and all the girls along with lots of encouraging messages. It only took a few moments before the tears filled my eyes. How extremely thoughtful of my cousin for organizing this and her friends for getting involved. I am feeling the love from TN, thanks Melissa and friends:)

Today was work for 8 hours then over to the cancer center for radiation. I had a little breakdown on my drive home. I think I was overwhelmed by working and then having to go to radiation (this was the first day I had to do that). I just want to be DONE with all of this. I am so ready to move on. I called Mark crying and he talked me through it like he always does. Same routine tomorrow and hoping I can keep it together.

Night Night...

good week

I had a great week and cannot believe it is over already. My diet started (haha) and I have been picking up my work-out routine. What has been on my mind all week is work. I'll be going back to work this Sunday and I am freaking out! The thought of getting up at 5am makes me sick. Will I remember anything? Will my pts ask me what happened to my hair? Will I make mistakes? Will I get through 8 hours? The list goes on and on. One thing is for sure that I have GREAT co-workers and I know they will support me all the way. It is good that I am starting on Sunday because the weekends tend to be a little less crazy (usually). I am hoping for a nice smooth 8 hour shift. Tomorrow I have an all day Breast Cancer Conference which I am really looking forward to. I'll be getting up at 7 and it does not end until 5pm so I know I will be tired and able to fall asleep Saturday night. Plus, we get an extra hour of sleep:)

I finished week 4 of radiation. My skin is holding on, just looks like a real bad sunburn with some skin peeling in areas. The area under my arm is starting to hurt and irritate me. The fact that my arm rubs the most there (even more so when I exercise) does not help matters. The doctor told me to start doing lotion 4-5 times a day and putting aquaphor on at night. I need to load up my purse and work bag with lotions. Anything to keep my skin holding on.

Well, Sunday will be my first day of returning to "normal" as people like to say. It is really going to be hard. The last 6 months of my life have been filled with chemo, radiation, labs, x-rays, CT scans, doctors, echos, no hair, feeling like crap, and sleeping. Once radiation is over I'll be thrown back in to reality and I must say it is scary. It will be great to have a week in PA for Thanksgiving when I finish radiation to enjoy some time with my family and friends. Then it will really be back to reality.

Hoping for a good night sleep for my big day tomorrow...

annoyed

This post is me being 100% honest about my feelings so you may not want to read.

I must say, I am so annoyed. I have had lots of people during and after my chemo say to me when they first saw me, "wow, I thought most people when they get chemo, you know???". And I've filled in the blank, lost weight. That has not been peoples exact words but very close to it. What the heck do you say to that. I know some cancer pts look sickly, as I like to put it but I'd never say I'd expect them to look really skinny (however some pts do). I just think it is so rude and I never know how to respond to it. As many of you know me, I usually say what is on my mind. I know that most of the time I have filled in the blanks for people and said, "no, not me, I gained weight". That is the truth people, yes, I did not lose weight I gained it and I am sorry. Could it be that my body was put in a state of menopausal shock, or could it be that they told me I could not run or do strenuous activity, or could it be that I just wanted to sleep instead of walk, or could it be that I had my mom here cooking/buying lots of my favorite foods/snacks??? I don't know but the fact of the matter is that I have put on a few pounds and I am tired of people noticing. I guess some people expect me to look skin and bones. The truth is, I only felt nauseous during chemo a few times and NEVER got sick. I was one of the pts that actually took the meds that they gave me so I would not get sick. I took them for 4 days after chemo even if I did not really need them. I was not going to wait around to get sick to take the meds, and no one should ever do that. It is bad enough that I don't have hair and can't workout and then I have to hear that I look fat (in so many words). Well, happy to announce that I am on a diet.

On another note, it was great having company at radiation for the first 2 weeks and I did not notice it until this week. My first week I had company a few days and last week I had someone with me all five days. This week I had Monika with me Monday and Mark with me Tuesday so the last two days I went alone. I did not think it was a big deal until today when I looked around the waiting room and realized that everyone had someone with them:( Thankfully Mark picked up on that and he plans to go with me tomorrow. To top it all off, my skin is red and itchy.

So happy for weekends!

Hair Hair

Just when I was getting used to having no or little hair, my hair started to grow back. Now all I can think about is, come on stupid hair, grow, grow. I am ready to style, ready to put product in my hair, ready to get a cut and color again. On the other hand, it has been a big money saver!

That's really been on my mind all week so that is what I decided to write about. Week is going well so far. I'll write later.

week 2 done

I am done 2 weeks of radiation. Wow how fast it is going. My week went well. I was a little tired on Thursday so just came home and took a 2 hour nap and I did not care at all!! That is one thing that I really had to get used to with all of this is to listen to my body and not feel bad when I have to sleep in, sleep all day, or nap. That was hard for me to get used to but I am there now. I used to beat myself about napping and not walking/running. Not anymore. My skin is holding up but I did notice today that I have a pink/red area under my arm. I'll keep an eye on it and if it gets worse I'll see the doctor early this week. Until then, lots of lotion.

Several months ago I reconnected with the YSC (young survival coalition), a group of survivors under the age of 40. I had been involved when I lived in PA and recently found the NorCal chapter and have been on the email list. I've wanted to attend different events but they never worked out with my chemo schedule. I got an email last week that they were having a "wine and cheese" night at one of the members house in San Jose. When I googled the address I found that it was 5 minutes down the road from me, right behind Ebay (where Mark works). I RSVP'd that I'd be there. I have done the support group thing before and it never really worked out for me but I had hopes that this would be different because of the age group and there would be wine there, you can't go wrong with that! It started at 6:30 and I figured I'd be there for no longer then 2 hours. It was a nice turnout, about 8 ladies. We varied in age from 28yrs old to 40. We sat around and talked about cancer, our stories and other topics, it was great. At one point I looked at my watch and it was 9pm and the next time I checked it was 10:30pm. It felt like we had only been there for an hour or so. It actually was so nice to sit around and talk about cancer (never thought I'd say that). I left feeling really happy and really glad that I attended. Of course I volunteered to have another wine/cheese night at my place!

Tomorrow I have radiation at 1130 then 10 the rest of the week. Monika will be driving me to treatment in the morning. I plan to take a nice long walk tomorrow afternoon. You know what, if I am tired I'll just take a nap:)

G.Night.....

great weekend

We had a wonderful time in Palm Springs and I was sad to come home. We arrived there around 1:30 on Friday, checked in to the hotel then headed for the tram ride. As we were pulling up to the parking lot I noticed the tram and how very high it went. At that point Mark decided to tell me that, "oh yeah, and the tram spins around too while your in it". If I would have known that before, I probably would have told him NO WAY. So up we went and it was not as bad as I thought. We did a little hike while we were up there and then headed down shortly before sunset. On Saturday, which was our actually anniversary, Mark got up super early and headed to play golf. I got up later and went to the spa for a massage and oil/lotion body wrap. It was amazing and so relaxing. I spent a little time after my treatment relaxing by the private pool. I met up with Mark for lunch and then we headed to Joshua Tree. What a neat park. During our drive through the park it started getting really dark and cloudy. Next thing we knew we saw lightening and then heard thunder. We never get that out here so it was neat to see and hear. Shortly after it started pouring rain. I looked at the clock and it was 330 when the rain started and around 4 when it stopped. I know this sounds silly but that same day last year in Barbados it poured rain from the same time! I thought it was neat and told Mark that we are going to have even more good luck:) Saturday night we had a nice dinner at Ruth's Chris and for dessert we enjoyed a bite of our wedding cake. Thanks to my mom for bringing out the top layer last time she came for a visit. Then Sunday was a relaxing day by the pool and Monday we were back in Campbell.

Radiation is going well but I must say I hate having to go 5 days a week. It did not bother me last week but this week it is really getting to me. I know it will go super fast. It sure has been great getting rides from friends! Another event for the week, I got an email today from the Young Survival Coalition group in my area and one of the survivors is hosting a wine and cheese night at her house on Friday. It is only minutes from my house so I plan to go and looking forward to meeting new people. Should be a fun time! Cheers...

Palm Springs

This morning my alarm did not go off and I woke up and the clock said 645, I had a 7am radiation appt. We jumped out of bed, brushed teeth, got dressed and off we went. I called them on the way to let them know I'd be late. Got there around 715 and they took me right back. We are all packed and I am ready to go just waiting on Mark.

Palm Springs here we come. Talk to you all Monday:)

week one

I am almost done my first week of radiation, one more day to go. This week was a little different from the ones to follow. They had to take x-rays and do checks and other things so the appts have been longer. As of today, all the kinks are worked out. They will be doing x-rays once a week and I'll be meeting with my doctor and the nurses (for a skin check) on Thursday's. My skin is a little, I mean little, pink (noticed tonight) and this afternoon I felt so tired. I really think it is just this week and the previous catching up to me (well hoping anyway), I did have a busy week. I'll keep you all posted.

Wednesday evening Stacy came over after work and we went out for dinner and drinks. I have not seen her for weeks and it was nice to relax and catch up. Today I walked to get a mani/pedi then met up with Monika at her house for coffee. After coffee Monika, and her daughter Natalie, took me to my radiation appt (thanks Monika). Tonight Mark and I went to the mall for a few things for our trip. We are headed to Palm Springs tomorrow for our 1 year anniversary which is Saturday. I cannot wait for 9am Saturday when I'll be in the spa getting a massage.

I talked to Stacy on Wednesday about my radiation appts Mon-Fri and transportation. She posted on the site "lots of helping hands" that I needed a ride next week from Tues-Friday. The next morning I had emails confirming rides from my C2 family for each day, thx ladies (Amy, Jaime, Mary, Hazel). I feel so loved and am so thankful for wonderful co-workers. It will be so nice to not have to worry about driving and great to have someone with me.

Tomorrow brings 7am radiation and 10:40 flight to Palm Springs, yahooooooooooo...

Way late...

As I am sure many of you know the last post was the day my parents left and I was writing how sad I was to see them leave. Little did they know I'd show up at the airport and surprise them. They left the house 30 minutes before I did in the rental car with Peg and Ed. I quickly packed, showered and headed to the airport with my little bag. I zipped through security and located the gate number. While I was heading to the gate I did see my dad buying a drink but he did not see me. When I got to the gate, Peg was sitting facing me and my mom was facing the opposite (with her back to me). It was great! I walked up and said, "is anyone going to philly". I wish I had a picture of my mom's face. It was priceless. Her first reaction was, what did we forget? I cannot believe she thought that security would let me through b/c my mom forgot something. She then grabbed my boarding pass and realized I was really heading to PA. My dad then arrived at the gate and was also speechless. The surprise did not end there. I had Kelly pick me up at the airport and take me to my brothers house. He thought that she needed a paper signed (which I think she did). She called him when we got there and told him to come to the back door and let her in. There I stood. He was not expecting me at all. The next day, Wednesday, my parents had the day off and my sister happened to call and asked if she could come over for lunch. She got there and I hid upstairs. Once she was in the house I came down and in to the kitchen and said, "who invited you". She fell over on to the kitchen table, it was great. That night my sister was at her house with Sadie getting clothing for her dance class and I showed up and rang the doorbell. I put a scarf on my head b/c the last few times I talked to Sadie she asked me to wear my wig when I come home b/c she is scared of my bald head. Sadie looked at me through the window and ran away, uh oh. My sister let me in and Sadie was hiding in the kitchen crying. We let her know that it was ok and I took my scarf off and told her to feel my little fuzzy hair I had. She said, oh it's fuzzy and was fine from that point on. I then got Ella that night when my sister picked her up. It was so great surprising everyone and enjoying the week before radiation started.

On Thursday I met my friend Jesse for coffee/lunch and mani/pedi. We had a nice afternoon. I was glad we were able to meet up b/c last time I was home it did not work out. That night my sister and I met Daryl, Tiff, Jason, Beth, Sean, and Lisa for dinner at Kooma in West Chester. We had a great dinner, wish I had more time to spend with them. Friday night was the big sleepover at my parents house. My sister and the girls spent the night and my brother and Kelly came over to watch the Phillies game. It was a fun night, lots of dancing and running around with the girls. On Saturday me, my mom, and sister took the girls the Merrymead farm to pick pumpkins. Saturday night my sister and I went out for dinner with my mom and dad and then met my brother and his friends at his house. Sunday was relaxing and saying goodbye to everyone then up at 4:00am on Mondya for my flight. When I got back Monday Mark picked me up and we headed to Palo Alto to p/u my friend Jill at the train station. We did the Palo Alto/Stanford tour then headed to the cancer center for my first radiation appt. I must admit I was nervous. I know that it will be nothing compared to chemo but it is the unknown that made me nervous (I did not have radiation the first time around). After radiation we stopped by our house then went to Santana Row for dinner. After dinner we took Jill to the airport just in time. Thankfully her flight was 10 minutes delayed. It was so great seeing her even though it was only for the afternoon. Tuesday was dentist and radiation and today was oncologist and radiation. The first 2 appts took longer b/c they are still working out the bugs (not sure that sounds good). Today's appt only took about 20 minutes, not bad at all. I also had a f/u with my oncologist. Nothing new just checked me out and chatted. I'll go back and see her the week after Thanksgiving.

Sorry for the delay and hope I got everyone up to speed. Tomorrow I plan to get a mani/pedi then have radiation at 3pm. On Friday I have 7am radiation then flight at 10:40 to Palm Springs for our 1 year anniversary. I cannot believe it has been 1 year, and what a year it has been. I am so thankful to have such a wonderful husband.

Bye for now....

Happy Breast Cancer Awarness Month

Wow, what a great couple of weeks it has been with my mom and dad here. I am sitting here watching them pack as I type, so sad:( After my last post we were on our way to Morro Bay. Usually 60's there but while we were in town it was in the 70's and beautiful. We drove back to Campbell on Wednesday and met up with my parent's friends Peg and Ed. By this point I am feeling very well (from my last tx). We took them to Testarossa for a wine tasting then all came back to get ready for dinner. We went to Steamer's in Los Gatos for dinner for Mark's birthday. This restaurant is very special to my dad. It is were Mark ask my dad if he could have my hand in marriage (which of course my dad announced as he made his toast at dinner that night:) . Thursday morning we headed to Napa for some wine tasting. I was the DD which I must say was not as bad as I had expected. It was nice to be on the other side for once, Mark is always my driver. From Napa we drove to Glen Ellen which is in Sonoma and where the house was we were staying at for 2 nights. What a beautiful house. I love the wood burning fireplace, we had a fire both nights. On Friday we had a limo pick us up and we went wine tasting in Sonoma. Saturday morning we got up and headed to San Fran to drop Peg and Ed off so they could spend 2 nights in the city. For Mark, mom, dad, and me we had a surprise for Mark that night for his birthday. We took him to the Mountain Winery, had dinner, and saw Wanda Sykes. What a great show and great laughs. To finish off a great vacation for us all, Sunday we spend the night at the Ritz Carlton Half Moon Bay. Mark and I were there last year and decided to get my parents a gift card to use the next time they came out. We both had rooms with a fire pit on the porch facing the 18th hole overlooking the water. Unfortunately the clouds were pretty thick and we could not see a sunset. Still amazing though. After breakfast Monday we drove to Palo Alto to pick up Peg and Ed at the train station. Mark gave them the Stanford tour while I had my appt in the radiation Department to get verified and one more tattoo. I start radiation on Monday 10/11. Last night was a great dinner, thanks to Mark, here with everyone. Now, like I said, watching my parents pack, boo hoo hoo.

I'll be seeing them off and write more in the next few days.

done and done

Well I can officially announce that I am DONE chemo! I had my 6th and final tx on Wednesday. What a wonderful feeling. I also met me new oncologist. She is the same doctor that I saw when I had my first treatment. In a way it was nice seeing her the first and the last. My original oncologist took a position at Genentech with only 11 days notice. Treatment went as well as expected. We finished treatment and went directly to the airport to p/u my parents, talk about timing. I was so afraid we were going to be late but we made it. My next appt with my oncologist will be in 3-4 weeks and then from there to be determined. On Thursday, while shopping with my mom, I got a call from my cardiologists office regarding my echo. Good news is the fluid around my heart is the same, stable as they call it. They did however see fluid in my lung (so they thought). I got a chest x-ray and was told that there is NO fluid in my lung, great news. As for the fluid around my heart, we are going to get an echo in 6 weeks to see if it gone. If in fact it is from chemo then the fluid should be gone in 6 weeks when I get the echo. Not much I can do about it now. My doc did tell me to start taking aleve once in the morning and one at night to help with the pain that I get in my chest. As for running, if it hurts while running, I need to stop. Given that I just finished 6 chemo tx I am going to continue to take it easy, just do my long walks. No reason to rush back in to things. I have an appt on 10/4 to get more tattoos and more images done then I will start radiation on 10/11. All in all, a good few days with good news:)

It is so nice having my parents here. What a great way to finish up my chemo. We took it easy the first 2 days then made it to Amy and Dema's wedding Friday night at the Cliff House. It was so amazing, congratulations Mr. and Mrs. Brinza! Yesterday my mom and Mark golfed while I slept all day. My dad stayed home to take care of me (make me toast!). Today we are heading down to Morro Bay and will be back on Wednesday to meet up with Peg and Ed. I'll write when we get back in town.
Cheers...

no results

Still no results from my echo that I had yesterday. I emailed my doctor to remind him and he said that he still does not have results and should know tomorrow. I told him to call me as soon as he gets them on my cell. Today I had my appt for my mold and marking for radiation at 10am. Stacy picked me up and drove me to my appt. She even greeted me with a mocha:) So very interesting appt. I had to lay on the CT machine with my left arm over my head while they took pictures and made marks where the future radiation beams will go. They had me sit up at one point and they put something under my back to make a mold of my body that I will lay on each time I get radiation. I asked the tech if I got to keep the mold when I was done and she said yes. At first I was excited until I stood up and looked at it and realized it was a blue trash bag filled with something inside that hardened to form the mold. Not was I was thinking at all. After they took some pictures and got me lined up correctly on the table the tech then gave me 2 black dot tattoos. She put ink on my skin and then pushed a needle in. They are so small, you would not even see them unless I pointed them out. I will be getting 2-3 more marks at my appt next week. After the appt Stacy and I went to University Cafe for lunch. She was just going to drop me off but we decided we'd walk instead. I met her at her house so she could pick-up her dog, Brooklyn, and we took a walk. We were chatting away when I looked at my watch and noticed we had been walking for an hour. At that point we both decided that a 2 hour walk would be enough. Thanks Stacy for a great day and some good girl time! I am so blessed.

Tomorrow I will get labs then see my doctor at 8:45am then chemo at 9:30am. My LAST one, yippie! I hope to be done by 12:30 so we can get to the airport to get my parents. They get in at 1:45 so even if I am there until 1:30 we should be fine. I am so excited for them to visit.

I'll write tomorrow with an update on chemo and my echo. Night night...

Back in Campbell

I got back Saturday night from LA. What a great trip. It was so great to see Jill and I am so glad that we have reconnected after many years. When we saw each other, it was like we never skipped a beat. It seemed like we picked up right where we left off. To me, that is the sign of a true friend. She showed me such a good time and mostly nice just sitting around at night chatting and catching up. While I was there I mentioned to Jill my thoughts about doing the 3 day next year in PA (I wanted to do it this year but given the circumstances could not). Jill is also from PA. It only took her a few seconds before she said, count me in. So it is on. We (me, Jill, and my sister) are doing the 3 day next year, 10/14-10/16 in Philadelphia, PA. As soon as I get registered I will post/email my link. I am super excited and looking forward to doing the walk with them. If anyone else is interested, let me know. The more the better!

Tomorrow I have my f/u echo at 12pm then I am meeting Jill to walk the dish in Palo Alto. As soon as I hear from my doctor with the results of the echo I will update my blog. I emailed him tonight to remind him to keep his eyes out, so I hope to hear from him tomorrow afternoon. Then on Tuesday at 10am I have my CT appt for my radiation fitting. Stacy is coming with me to my appt and then we are going to walk the dish. On Wednesday I will get my LAST chemo tx. That feels so good to say and I really cannot believe it is time already. Tx starts at 9:30am and we are hoping it stays on schedule b/c my parents get in at 1:45 and we'd love to be able to pick them up at the airport. As usual we will have our nice dinner out. This one will be extra special b/c we are celebrating my last tx and even more special b/c my parents will be here to celebrate with us.

This has been a crazy experience and I am so thankful and blessed to have such wonderful supporters and friends. Words cannot express how thankful I am. Love you all...
Bring on the 4th quarter (as Mark calls it)!!!

Radiation

My appt went very well today. Feels great to have my next plan. I will be getting 28 radiation tx. starting 10/11-11/21. I will for sure get red/pink skin over the areas that they radiate. Some people complain of feeling fatigue towards the end of each week. I discussed returning to work and she told me if I had a desk job then for sure I could do it but given the demands of my job she said it was up to me. She's support whatever decision I made. As of now I have off until 10/31 so if I return 11/1 I'll only have 3 weeks left. I am undecided at this point, have to make some calls tomorrow. As for long-term side effects given it is on my left side, there is a small chance of some heart problems in the future and also problems with my lungs. The other long-term effect would be cancer. I know, it sounds crazy. We are doing something to treat cancer that can cause cancer. Any type of radiation can cause cancer. Of course they have to tell me ALL of the possible side effects. Given the dose and the amount I'll be getting, I am not worried at all. The first step is getting "marked" for radiation. This will be done next week. They will be doing a CT scan and also timing my breathing and mark the areas with a small tattoo where the beams will go during each tx. This will take about an hour. Then I will go back on 10/4 to do a "practice run", as they called it. They do this ahead of time to deal with any kinks they may come across so we aren't dealing with them on the day of. Then I'll get my first radiation tx on Monday 10/11.

That's all for now, my head is tired. Off to watch the Bachelor Pad.

great day for a bridal shower

Today was a wonderful day. I had a bridal shower at my house for my co-workers, Amy and fiance, Brian and Debbie, and Prad. The weather turned out to be great along with the company. It was so nice to see everyone. Amy's mom, Edna, was in town and was able to make it. I know how nice it is to have family in town for these special occasions. A special thank you to Jackie and Rachel for coming early and helping me set-up. I must admit, earlier this week I was still not feeling well from chemo and a little worried that I'd still feel like crap today. Not the case at all. The entire day went well. The gang left around 430, I cleaned up, and then time for the cowboys game!

I had to make a special call tonight to Sadie to wish her good luck tomorrow. She is starting Kindergarten. I cannot believe how fast the years have gone. I can only imagine what my sister must be going through. I still remember a few days after she was home from the hosptial my sister called me and asked me if I'd come over and show her how to give Sadie a bath. I can remember that day like it was yesterday. I know that she is going to have a great day and I cannot wait to hear all about it.

Wow, what an end to the cowboys game. I can't believe they lost the game due to a "holding" penalty. So tomorrow I have an appt at 1pm with Dr. Horst, my radiation oncologist. I met with her back in April so we need to regroup and make a plan for my radiation. Nothing planned for Tuesday and then Wednesday I am off to LA to visit my friend Jill. I'll write tomorrow night with an update on my appt.

Night Night...

Wednesday

I am so glad that number 5 is over. I have to admit, I felt so much worse with this one. Just when I thought I could predict how things were going to pan out, I was wrong. Usually the first 2 days after tx I felt well enough to do things. Not this time. Friday and Saturday I slept most of the day. Sunday was actually a better day for me. Today I am finally feeling back to normal. It was a nice surprise to wake up to a wet ground. Guess it rained over night, crazy for CA. I am also feeling more depressed. I can tell b/c I don't want to leave the house. Yesterday I was planning on a walk but of course I talked myself out of it. Not today. I am leaving here in a few minutes to go meet Mark for lunch then I promise myself to go for a nice walk. The weather is great, there is no reason for me to sit inside. We had our own little holiday cook-out on Monday. Mark went out and got burgers, kielbasa, and corn for the grill and came home with a really nice card. Yesterday I got a card in the mail from my mom and then flowers arrived from my parents. They really brightened my day. Tomorrow night we are going to the Old Pro for "Pints for Prostates", it should be a nice time. I know Mark is excited b/c there are 2 big football games on. I am sure he'd rather be watching them from his own TV but what a better place then a sports bar to watch them! On Friday I have lots of errands to do to get ready for the bridal shower that is at my house on Sunday. Hope the weather is nice so we can have it by the pool.

Off to meet Mark for lunch...

tx day

In the process of getting my 5th tx. It is so exciting yet a little scary b/c I am almost done. I know I should be super psyched knowing that I only have 1 left after this but it will be a little difficult getting back to norm and I know will take some time. Then of course there is the burden of radiation 5 days a week. Well as Mark would say, I am almost done the 3rd quarter! My RBC's were a few points lower (nothing major) and platelets were up slightly. WBC count was perfect. So basically still anemic which I can tell. Maybe I'll get a big fat steak for dinner tonight. Well only about an hour left then out of here. Write later or in the next few days:-)

relaxation day

We had a great time with my brother and Kelly. Saw so much in such a short time. After they left on Friday I met up with Jackie for a short walk and lunch. On Saturday I headed to Yosemite with Jill to her boyfriend Patrick's cabin. We got there around lunch, ate, and then went on a short walk/hike (10 miles short!!). On Sunday we drove in to the park for a long day of hiking. All I can say is wow, what an amazing place. Jill let me pick the hike and I think I picked wrong. The hike up the mountain was like doing the stair master outdoors. My legs are still hurting from that hike. Thanks Patrick and Jill for a great weekend. I got back yesterday afternoon. It was so nice to get away for the weekend, although I wish Mark joined us:( Today I had a relaxing day at home. The only errand I ran was food shopping. I cannot believe that I have another tx on Thursday. It will be number 5 so the future is near which is great! It has been nice being so busy but I am ready to relax this weekend after my tx. Having an ok day, a little depressed. Mark should be home any minute from golf. Write in a few days...

South Bound

Today we are driving down to Morro Bay for the night. We decided to get a head start on our drive to Santa Barbara. We'll be leaving here shortly. When we get there I plan to walk around, head to the beach, check out the town, while Mark golfs. Tomorrow morning after breakfast we will head down to Santa Barbara and plan to meet up with my brother and Kelly around noon. Once we meet them we are going to go to Inspiration Point for a short hike then hit the beach. I got in touch with a friend from high school, Mike Hill, that I haven't seen for years and we are going to meet up with him for dinner and drinks. On Tuesday morning we will be heading North to SLO to do some wine tasting then spend the night in Morro Bay. We will be back here on Wednesday. Nothing planned yet for Thursday and they leave Friday around noon.

I am doing ok. The back/bone pain ended on Friday. I went for a nice long walk with Jill and it hurt when we got back but then subsided. Yesterday I just decided to do a shorter walk. I have not really been thinking about this heart thing too much. One thing I did think about was back in November I was on my way in to work and had real bad chest pain when I would breath in so I went to the ED. They did some tests, not an echo, and told me everything looked fine. Of course my mind went to, if they had done an echo and the fluid was there then, obviously it is not caused from my chemo b/c I was not on chemo then. It stinks sometimes being a nurse and knowing the things I know. There is nothing I can do about it for another month so I need to stop stressing. I just never thought in a million years that the cardiologist would say the "C" word to me. I thought the worst he was going to tell me is that I had some damage to my heart. If the next echo shows more fluid around my heart then for sure I'll be worried.

I am so thankful that I have my brother and Kelly here this week to keep me busy and next weekend I am going to Yosemite with Jill until Monday. When I get back I have 2 free days then chemo again on Thursday. Time is flying by.

I'll write when we get back in town.

appointment

Well not only was I having real bad bone pain today but I had to have my echo done and see a cardiologist. I was planning to go by myself but given my pain, I called Mark at lunch and asked him if he could come home and take me. Of course his response was yes. I had my echo done first then headed up to see the cardiologist. It was great to have it all done in one day (had my stress test on Monday). The good news is there is no damage to my heart. The bad news is I have a pericardial effusion, or fluid around my heart. As a result of this I had an abnormal EKG and this is also why I have been having chest pain. This could, and hopefully is, all caused from the one chemo that I am getting. The other possibility is cancer. The doctor would like me to get an echo again in one month and if the fluid amount is the same or less I'll get another one in a month from that. Depending on what that echo shows I will either need another one in a month or he will push it to three months. If there is more fluid around my heart on the next echo in a month he will drain the fluid and of course test it to see if it is cancer. The only other testing I may need is anything additional that my oncologist may order given the test results (hope nothing is ordered). For now I am for sure not running and just waiting a month for my next echo. At this point I am not worried about it. Why be when there is nothing that I can do to change it. The fluid is there and there is nothing I did or did not do that made this happen. Just hoping that once I am finished chemo it will all be gone and I can move on. I can honestly say that going to the appt I thought for sure the doctor was going to walk in the room and tell me everything was normal and it was nice meeting me. Now I have yet another doctor to add to my list at 33, great!!!

Off to watch Housewives of D.C. and then to bed. I am getting together with Jill tomorrow and hoping to get a nice long walk in if I feel better. Really looking forward to seeing Jill and hearing all about her recent trip. I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend.

Cheers...

overdue

Hello everyone! Sorry for the delay. I had treatment last week and had my mom and sister in town until yesterday. Here is a quick recap:
Wednesday: My mom and sister arrived. Went to get pedicures, lunch, then did a wine tasting. Had dinner in that night and in bed early.

Thursday: Up early for chemo at Stanford. I was more anemic and had low platelets but nothing too serious. My oncologist told me that I need to stop running and take it easy so that I can get the last 2 tx. I was not happy about that but I guess I have to listen to her. I had a feeling that I was anemic b/c when I went for a run 2 days before my tx I got so winded so early in the run. I also had to tell her about the chest pain I had. The week before my tx I had some chest pain but thought it was muscular. Then while I was running it happened again and when I stopped to walk it went away. I thought this was important to mention to her. She ordered and EKG and told me she'd have her husband (stanford cardiologist) take a look at it. When I got home I got a phone call from his nurse telling me that the EKG was abnormal and he wants me to get a stress test and an echo and then see him. I had the stress test on Monday and get the echo today at 2:40 and see him at 3. I am not really worried about it but will be glad when I hear from him that everything was fine. Mark is leaving work early and taking me to my appt. I'll write an update tonight when I get home.

Friday: We took a drive to Napa for some wine tasting and a tour. We did the cave tour at Rutherford, it was real neat. That night we took Mark to the airport (he had his Reno golf trip).

Saturday: Got up and took a walk then my mom cooked us a yummy breakfast. My sister and I went and laid by the pool for a few hours. We headed to Lynda's house for some food and drinks with her and Rhonda. It was a nice night spent with the ladies!

Sunday: my down day:( I slept all day but thankfully had my mom and sister checking in on me, feeding me and giving me my pills. I love my fam.

Monday: Feeling better, took another walk in the am. I was not feeling that great so we decided to lay low during the day. Plus I had my stress test at 4 that day. We hung by the pool again for a few hours then headed to Menlo Park for my stress test. From the stress test we went and had a drink and an appetizer. We finished just in time to make it to our spa appts at Watercourse Way. It was so relaxing and wonderful. For the first hour we were in our private tub room that had a hot tub, cold plunge and steam room. Then the next hour we each had a massage. I think we all really needed them. At this point we were starving so we decided to go to Flemings for dinner. I was craving a nice steak. Dinner was great finish to the day.

Tuesday: We decided the night before that we would just get up whenever and decide what we were going to do when we got up. After breakfast we all agreed we'd head to Carmel for the day. Of course when we got there it was still chilly and cloudy. By noon the sun had come out. We did some shopping and walked down to the beach. I had to get back b/c I was making dinner for the gang for their last night. I started my sauce and then picked Mark up from the airport at 7. We had a nice dinner together but sad b/c it was our last night together.

Wednesday: Up early to take mom and sister to the airport. It was so wonderful having them here and a great distraction after my 4th tx. I am so blessed to have a great family. Can't wait to see them again.

Today: I am having bad back pain similar to the after the first treatment. Not sure why it would happen again this time and why a week later. I just took 3 advil and waiting for Mark to get here to take me to my appt. I'll for sure update later tonight when I get home.

Thanks for following.

honest

This post is going to be very true to what I am really feeling so if you don't like it, don't read.

I think about things and hear songs and I cannot imagine my life without Mark. I know he puts up with so much of my shit but I truly cannot imagine one minute without him. We are not the most "lovey dovey" couple but I know deep down in my heart that we are soul mates. He is my rock and gets me through so much. As hard as I am on him I cannot imagine my life with anyone else.

I will tell you that friends used to tell me, you'll know when you meet him, and I always thought they were full of s---. When I met Mark within minutes/months I knew that I'd be spending the rest of my life with him. We were only dating when I had breast cancer the first time and his love and support really made my thoughts come true that he was the one. I know I waited 7 years but it was well worth it. That is all of have to say for now but I had to give a tribute to my wonderful husband. I could not and would not ask for anyone else. I love Mark Lapole and looking forward to growing old with him.

update

So once again the days have gone by so fast. Monday I took the train the city to hang out with Andrea. When I got there we went to meet Tim, Andrea's boyfriend, for lunch. It was nice to finally meet him. The weather ended up being very nice, a little cold but the sun was out. I had a lovely day with Andrea in the city! Yesterday I spent the day food shopping, doing wash and got my last run in before chemo. This morning I cleaned then headed to the airport to pick-up my mom and sister. I am so excited that they are here. From the airport we went to Santana Row for lunch and then got a pedicure. We then went to Testarossa in Los Gatos for a wine tasting. On our way home we stopped at "nothing bundt cakes" for dessert for tonight. If you have not been you should find one and try them. They are so yummy, think I like them better then sprinkles. We are grilling out tonight and hanging out at home. My mom and sister have been up since 4am east coast time so it will be an early night tonight. Tomorrow we have to be on the road by 715am to get to the cancer center. I have labs, then doctor at 8:30 then chemo at 9:30. They moved my appts earlier so I am hoping that I stay on schedule and am out of there by noon. After chemo we are planning to have lunch at Stanford Shopping center then home to relax. Tomorrow night we are all going out for dinner as usual to celebrate finishing my 4th treatment. For now I am doing ok, not anxious or upset. I know having family here is really helping. I am so blessed.

I'll write again in the next few days. Cheers...

lazy day

This week really went by fast. I finally started to feel better on Wednesday. Sunday and Monday slept most of the day, more so Monday. On Tuesday I was feeling better, just depressed and talked myself out of doing anything. I was determined to get myself back to normal Wednesday and ended up on a 3 hour walk, much more like myself. I was super excited to actually have 3 chemo's down and only 3 to go but then I started thinking it is like I have to do it all over again. The thought just made me very upset. As most of you know I am not one to sit around so when I am given a drug that makes/requires me to sleep and sit around the house it is very upsetting. It is one thing if I decide to lay low for the day but another when I am forced to. I then remembered that my mom and sister will be here for my next treatment and my parents will be here for my last. I am so excited to have the company and can't be at better times. My mom and sister will be here in a week and a half. So excited! The end of my week went fast and yesterday me and Mark went to Pinnacles for an all day hike. Friday night I looked at the trail map and mapped out a 12.2 mile hike which sounded great. We were fine until we got to the second to last trail. It was a 2 mile uphill climb in mostly direct sun at 130 in the afternoon. Needless to say we had to stop every 10-15 minutes for a rest. By the time all was said and done we had hiked (pretty strenuous) for 5 1/2 hours. It really was nice. Today was painful getting out of bed and down the stairs. Not doing much but relaxing today, maybe making it to the pool. Looking forward to a week of feeling well. I'll write again soon.

3 down 3 to go

As I am sure most of you know I did get my third of six chemo treatments on Thursday. My counts were excellent and no question I'd be getting chemo that day. Well, my oncologist was behind but all in all it went smoothly. My treatment was to start at 10:30am which got started around 11:45, not too bad. We got home around 3:30 and I had my mind set on going for a long walk. I headed out on what I planned to be an hour and a half walk. As I got 15 minutes in to my walk I thought, why don't I do a walk run? I started running with all intention to stop at the corner, when I got to the corner I felt great and kept running. Corner after corner came and before I knew it I was home and had run for an hour! So proud of myself knowing that the next few days won't be that easy. As usual we went out for a special dinner to Sino. Dinner was great and a big celebration for being 1/2 done, love my husband!

For whatever reason I slept all day Friday, oh well. Got out of bed around 4pm and hit the sofa. When Mark got home we did go for a short walk just so I could say I got out of the house. I slept in on Saturday but when Mark got home from the gym we went for a longer walk this time. It felt great to get outside and enjoy the sun. I was tired after the walk but we had to go to the grocery store to get food for our dinner party, got invited to the Cox's for a BBQ. I decided that I was going to make sour cream pound cake. I had it all made and in the oven and went upstairs for a rest. I told Mark to call me when the timer went off in an hour. Well I tried my hardest to sleep but was so worried about my cake. The cake came out great and we headed out to dinner at the Cox's. It was great to see Stacy and Steve, nice casual evening. My favorite kind of night. Home by 8:45 and in bed by 9:30 for me. Today, another lazy Sunday as usual. We just watched "Where the Wild Things are" and have "Shutter Island" next on the list. Can't forget entourage tonight. Not much planned this week until Thursday I have my yearly f/u with my plastic surgeon. Nothing to worry about just routine procedure.

Hope everyone had a great weekend. Feeling ok this time just super tired but glad I am not dealing with the nausea.

Could not sleep...

Today will be the day that I hopefully get chemo #3. This is my halfway mark so I am pretty excited and hope that my counts are great today. If not, I think I may beg until my doctor gives in. I have been awake since 5:30 and decided to blog for a little. So tired that this morning while making my coffee I went to put my hand in the bag to eat some coffee grounds, I thought they were the goldfish that were also on the counter!

We had a great weekend with our friend Daryl. He arrived on Sunday and left yesterday. Quick trip and lots to show him. It was great to have him here making me laugh and keeping me distracted before today.

I will update as soon as we get home to let everyone know if I had treatment or not. If I don't have it today, I have to wait another week before I can get it. I really don't want to do that, I want to stay on track. We have it all planned out and if we stay on track I will be done with everything the week before Thanksgiving.

Fingers and toes crossed.

Wow

I cannot believe it is Thursday already, time goes so fast. Recently I have been getting the question, aren't you bored?. The answer is NO, not at all. Trust me, I keep myself very busy. Monday was a wash, had lots to do after Dallas trip and was feeling a cold coming on (thankfully it did not get worse). Not even sure what I did Tuesday. Yesterday I had to make a trip to Stanford to get some papers filled out. I dropped them at the cancer center and headed to C2. Before I knew it I was there for almost 2 hours. It was so great to see everyone and wish I could have visited longer. For dinner, Mark took the train from San Jose and we met Jaime and friends for her birthday dinner in Menlo Park. It was great to see some other co-workers that I have not seen for several weeks. Good food + good wine + good company = great night! Today I had coffee with Monika in the morning then headed to The Wax Bar for my facial. It was so relaxing and needed. At 1 I met Stacy at the LG trail for a walk and now waiting for Mark to pick me up to go to Costco. As you can see my days are busy. Oh, almost forgot, we found out a few days ago that our friend Daryl is coming to visit on Sunday from PA. It will be great to see him and show him around CA.

I am feeling well this week. Once again not looking forward to my treatment next week. Hard to believe that it will be here so soon. It will be nice to get this treatment done so I can say I am 1/2 way there, 3 left and counting.

Trip to Dallas

We arrived back in CA tonight at 7pm. Here is a recap of our trip...

Wednesday: Arrived in Dallas in the afternoon and headed to the Freeman's to have lunch with cousin Melissa and her two children Lucy and Eli. It was so great to see them. We headed to the hotel (Hilton Anatole) and checked in to our lovely King suite which was a surprise. After being up since 4:30am for the flight it was nap time. At this point, still no bone pains! We headed out to Al Biernats steak house. Dinner was great, they even took care of our bottle of wine for use. After dinner went back to the hotel where Mark met up with 3 co-workers that had arrived for the conference events the next day. Off to bed at a normal hour.

Thursday: I was still feeling so well actually checked the class schedule at the fitness center the day before and noticed a 10am yoga class. Had my coffee and headed over to the fitness/spa center. I cannot tell you the last time I did yoga but I've recently done Bikram so was not over concerned. I warned the instructor that my energy level is not up to par and I may have to sit down during the class. Well I managed to finish the entire class with no rests, very impressed with myself. To me, it was not your typical yoga class. We did lots of leg and ab work which was great for me. I had enough time to sit in the hot tub and the steam room before my 12pm massage. I headed up to the spa where I put my robe on and sat and had a cup of tea before my massage started. What a treat that was. I was a little worried that I might have the bone pains and not be able to get the massage (last time I had them Mark could barely touch my skin without it hurting). I headed back to the locker room, put my bathing suit on and out to the pool. When Mark finished his morning activities and lunch he was able to join me. Only lasted about an hour before the rain came. That evening we attended the closing banquet dinner and then had drinks at the Nana bar on the 27th floor. It had amazing views of the city. We were up a little later then planned but had a great time.

Friday: We took our time getting up in the morning, packed, ate and headed back to the Freeman's for the weekend. My Aunt Lynne was home from work and cousin Melissa was still in town with her tow children. Shortly after we arrived it was nap time so everyone but me took a rest. The clouds were out but that did not stop me from relaxing in their pool. After nap time we all got cleaned up and by that time my Uncle Dave was home from work. Margarita's started around 4, so yummy! We had a great family dinner in followed by a cake from Nothing but bundt cakes. It was delicious and I even found out they have on in Los Gatos. I'll be heading there this week (It might even top Sprinkles).

Saturday: Well the kid's were up at 6:30, I slept til 7:30. My Aunt made a casserole served with fresh fruit for breakfast. We really wanted to get another bundt cake for dessert again tonight so Melissa and I headed out to get there early before they sold out. We found out the have a large and small bundt cake, bundtlets, and bundteenies. Well you could get 12 bundteenies for $16.50 so it only made sense that we got 12 so we each could try a taste of the different flavors. When we returned home the rest of the gang was all ready to go to see the Longhorn Stampede at Fort Worth Stock Yards. What a neat thing to see. There were other things to do, a maze (which Lucy and Melissa did twice), petting zoo, pony rides and shops and restaurants. The ladies and kids continued to shop while the men headed to golf. We finished up our shopping/strolling and back to the house we went. Lunch then nap time for the kids. For dinner we went to Baja Grill for some margarita's and Mexican. Once again dinner was followed by the bundt cakes. The ladies, and Mark, decided to stay up and watch It's Complicated. I've been wanted to see it so it worked out great we could all watch it together. Good movie.

Sunday: Finally the sun was shining when we woke up. Of course on the day we were leaving. It was pancakes for breakfast with sausage. The men went golfing again while the ladies and children played in the pool. I had such a great time with Lucy and Eli in the pool. The clouds returned in the afternoon which was fine by that point because I needed to get cleaned up, eat and pack. We got everything organized and left for the airport around 330. We had a great visit and I felt well and was able to enjoy myself. I am so glad the trip worked out and even and added bonus that my cousin was in town visiting with her children. Thanks to the Freeman's and Wyatt's for a great trip. Now Sunday evening good to be back. Just doing was and getting caught up with emails.

I am sure I left some details out but the point of the entry is we had a great time in Dallas with family! Good night

out of town

We are heading to Dallas early tomorrow morning and returning Sunday. Not sure I will get to blog while away so if not, I will write on Sunday or Monday. Hope everyone has a great week and weekend.

Cheers...

Unknown

Trust.
Just be.
Take a risk.
Go back to bed.
Be still.
Watch mindless TV.
Eat extra dessert.
Take a hot bath.
Be amazing.
Believe.
Sleep in.
Have more chocolate.
Light a candle.
Rest.
Dream.
Hope.
Hold on.
Keep going.

2 down, 4 to go

Well, I now have 2 chemo treatments down. My chemo started late because my oncologist was behind. My counts were just ok. The doc likes your neutrophils to be 1.5 and mine were 1.43. The NP told us that she might cancel my treatment for the day. Thankfully she did not and I was able to head upstairs and get my poison. She told me that we will try neulasta one more time (this is the shot I give myself the day after treatment to boost WBC's) but if it does not do it's job next time we will switch to neupogen which is a shot that I'd have to give myself once a day for 8-10 days. Please keep your fingers crossed that my counts will be good for next time. I did get the all clear for my trip to Dallas this week. We will be leaving on Wednesday for a conference that Mark is speaking in. We will spend 2 nights at the hotel and then Friday-Sunday at the Freeman's house. We are super excited to see my Aunt, Uncle, cousin Melissa and her two children. It is great to have something to look forward to.

We went out for our routine dinner Thursday night to Los Altos Grill. I must say I was worried about my hair. At one point Mark went to the bathroom and I thought for sure everyone was looking at me. I stopped and looked around and not one person was looking my way. Everyone was going about their business as usual enjoying the evening. It was a great feeling to be out with my new hair for the first time.

Mark headed to Dallas on Friday so I spent the weekend with girlfriends. Thanks ladies for babysitting me. I ventured out yesterday to Stacy's house to sit by the pool but today have spent the day inside resting with Mark. Tomorrow is another day. Hope it brings more energy!

SUCKS

Today is the day that I have been dreaded for weeks. Yesterday my hair really started to fall out. After I showered last evening there was so much hair coming out. Mark wanted to shave it last night but I just wasn't ready, not that I am ready today. I woke up this morning with lots of hair on my pillowcase and that's when I knew it really was time. I can't do this, I don't want to do this. Not having a choice in the matter, today is the day we are going to shave my head. Mark and Joanne are coming home for lunch and Stacy is also going to stop over. On top of all of this, I have chemo tomorrow. Things really SUCK....

great weekend

My hair is still holding on, who knows. It has been falling out but not terrible yet. I had a sad night Friday after our company left. I started thinking, "why me", "why is this happening again", "this sucks". After a late night call to my brother I realized, I know my life could be worse and I don't know if I will ever have an answer to any of those questions so no use in thinking them. Thanks Mike, your the best! Off to bed I went.

On Saturday we went for a 3 hour walk. It was great but I have no idea why we forgot to bring water. Thankfully there were 4 water fountains along the way. We got a late start so it was hot by the time we were near home. Stayed in and had movie night Saturday. We watched Alice in Wonderland. I thought it was really good and wished I had seen it in 3D. Went to bed early because we had an early morning on Sunday. The plan was to leave at 8:30 which turned out to be 9, not too bad. We drove to Carmel and had breakfast at Katy's, so good. When we left Katy's the sun was out, still a little chilly but it was only 11 at that point. We stopped at JCrew and Mark bought me a few things. From there, Mark headed to get the car and I went to the Coach outlet store. I got the cutest bag at the greatest price. It was marked down, then 50% off and an additional 30% off, can't beat that (even if Mark thinks I did not need it:-). We then drove down the street to the beach. By this point the fog had rolled in and the temp dropped. We had our beach chairs, towels, and a cooler and were planning to sit on the beach for a few hours. When we stepped out of the car and realized how cold it was we changed our minds and drove home. There are plenty of other days for the beach. All in all it was a great relaxing weekend spent with my husband.

I am really not looking forward to Thursday. Just starting to feel back to normal and have to do it again. I have to keep telling myself, one step closer to the end of all of this.

So excited for the Bachelorette tonight!

Hair

Ok well my hair is still intact. I remember from last time it started falling out 2 weeks after my first treatment. Yesterday was 2 weeks. There is some hair falling out but nothing major. Maybe it won't happen until after my 2nd treatment on July 1st, who knows.

Tonight we are finally having the lasagna that Angela made for us with some of my mom's homemade meatballs. I can't wait.

Happy Friday everyone...

anxious

I had a nice day today. Got up early and headed to Palo Alto. Stopped on C2 for a visit. It was so nice to see everyone and great to chat with Karen. From there I went to Nordstrom to look for a new pair of black heels. I found a great pair that were actually cheaper then the ones I originally had. I headed to Max's to meet Mary Jane for lunch. It was so nice to see her and catch up. Came home, cleaned the house and then took a little cat nap. I woke up around 5, had a cup of tea and went for a run. It is so depressing that I am just starting to feel ok running but I know I will be knocked back down on July 1st. It sucks.

So this week my hair will start falling out. If it is anything like last time it will happen on Thursday. I am so anxious and nervous about it. I really don't know why because last time I did not care at all. Not sure if it has to do with where I am leaving now or what. Maybe it won't fall out this time, yeah right. I know it is just hair and it will grow back but it is really upsetting. I am not looking forward to all the stares. I will say I am very prepared, I have my wig ready, lots of hats (thanks to my C2 family), and scarves. Last time I lost my hair I did not wear anything on my head and who knows, maybe I won't this time either but at least I am prepared.

Finishing my glass of wine and heading to bed...

great day!

I started feeling much better on Thursday, the bone pain just came in waves. I put a call out to the nurse just to make sure. She told me as long as I am not having fever or chills that the pain was from the neulasta injection. Also given I was at the peak day, shot good for 11 days, I was right in the middle of that. She suggested I try ativan. I took a 1/2 a pill around dinner time and did feel more relaxed. Not so sure it helped the pain, worth a try. I was still able to walk to Target then to Monika's for coffee. I did take her up on her offer to drive me home.

By Friday I was back to my normal self. I met Jill in Palo Alto, we walked the dish, then had lunch at California Cafe. It was a great afternoon. On my way home I stopped by Anthro and bought the cutest dress. Friday night we went to dinner with the Cox's, Jen, and Kevin then went to play Bocce ball. I wasn't that great at Bocce but what a fun night!

Today laid out back in the sun for a few hours and off to Amy's for a BBQ. I am so glad that I am feeling better and looking forward to getting a run in tomorrow.

Hope everyone is enjoying this beautiful weekend, cheers:-)

bad bones

I was having a great day today. Went to the Giant's game with Mark and his co-workers. Could not have asked for a better day. Mark dropped me off around 5ish and he headed back to work to get some stuff done. At some point I got up to check something on the computer and my back felt like it went in to spasms. The bone pain is back. I called Mark crying and told him he had to come home ASAP. I do not recall this from last time. From what I remember I felt the aches day 2-3 and then was fine. Before I started my treatment I spoke to a friend who is around my age and getting the same treatment and she said that she feels bad day 5-7. Well this is around day 5. I am hoping that this will pass and I will feel better by tomorrow.

That's about all I can do for tonight. Sleep, sleep, sleep

much better

Well as you recall Sunday was terrible. I did not want to do anything but sleep. I am finally feeling better. It still comes in waves though. I feel ok from noon until 10pm then I start to get a terrible headache and body aches again. It is so strange. I had planned to go to a concert with Mark tonight but was not feeling up to it so he went alone. What a guy. On the plan for tomorrow, Giants game with Ebay. Should be a fun day and Mark is driving so if I need to leave early we can.

I've been struggling with the question I always get from strangers, "do you have kids"? Of course my answer is no we just got married. This is followed by thoughts of, I cannot believe that this is how we have to spend our first year of marriage. I keep thinking how glad I am that I put off seeing my doctor until after the wedding but still, why this year. I know it is out of my control and I am so happy that we did get married and I know we will have many more good years together. I love my husband.

Hoping for a good day tomorrow at the ball park, go Giants!!!

So tired

Well I had my first treatment on Thursday. It was a very long day. Started with labs at 9:30 then saw the doctor around 11am and headed for chemo at 1130. They were behind so I did not get called back until 1240. By the time he got everything started it was 2pm. The infusion went smoothly, no reactions. Mark was by my side the entire time, he is a great husband. We just chatted for most of the time and then he got us lunch. I think I closed my eyes for a few minutes. I even had a few other visitors, Stacy, Dr. Presti, Karen, and Cecilia, that was a nice surprise. At one point I got a little nervous that we were being too loud:) We left the cancer center around 4:30 and were determined to go home and get ready and go out for a nice dinner. That is our goal, a nice dinner after each treatment. So we headed to La Fondue in Saratoga. I was able to enjoy a lovely dinner with Mark, no problems. Home and to bed for both of us.

Early Friday morning I was woken by a dream that I had vomited. When I did actually wake up my stomach felt terrible. My zofran and compazine weren't due for 2 more hours. I went downstairs and got some crackers and water and fell back asleep. My stomach was touch and go all day. Lynda arrived in the morning with a bagel then we headed out for a walk which I managed to do but it was difficult. I got a shower later that afternoon and I felt so out of shape, it is crazy. For the most part I was still feeling ok the day after. I gave myself my nuelasta shot at 5 and then Stacy and Jaime stopped after work and I was able to chat for a few hours and even drank a glass (or 2) of wine. I really needed a girls night.

Saturday morning I started feeling the bone aches and tiredness that I remember from last time. I was able to get out of bed around 10 to eat go for a walk and then we even went to the pool. I did come home and nap after the pool but all in all an ok day. One thing I did notice today my taste buds are gone. Nothing tastes good or even sounds good for that matter. Water does not even taste right:(

As hard as today was I knew I had to get on here and type. I have done nothing but sleep all day. My body hurts, even my mouth, and all I want to do is sleep. Mark did not realize I would feel this bad today and had made plans to golf. Thankfully Lynda called me at 10 and then at 11 and insisted on coming over and bringing me a bagel. If it wasn't for her I would not have had anything to eat until Mark got home. I don't even feel like drinking water but know I have to for my bodies sake. I have finally mustard up enough energy to get a cup of coffee and call my sister and the girls and my parents. I knew hearing all of their voices would cheer me up. Not sure what is in store for tomorrow but sure hope it is better then today.

I apologize if some of this does not make sense, think I am getting chemo brain already...

Back in Cali

We had a nice evening out for dinner with my mom, sister, and dad. Trouble started when we got home and my mom went up to bed and my dad and I thought it was a good idea to stay up until 2:30am. I slept in until noon :( Got up and showered and packed. Had lunch with mom and dad while we were checking my flight status. I was to leave at 4:20 which got moved to 4:50 so still thought I was safe. I refreshed again and it said 6pm. That meant I'd miss my flight out of Dallas. I got on the phone with AA to get it worked out. Rushed around, got in the car and to the airport at 2:45 for 3:50 flight to Chicago. When I got there they could not find my ticket. I had to call AA again and wait and finally got it taken care of. The flight left on time. In Chicago I had 1 hour but need to get to the AA gate from the US gate. Luckily the flight was 20 minsSJC at 9:30. Not too bad.

Once home I had to go throw a pile of mail and ate a snack. Headed upstairs to shower and unpack. Laying in my own bed on my clean sheets with my husband, can't beat that. I took a little sleeping aid tonight, hope it works.

Big day tomorrow starts at 9:30 labs, 10:30 Doctor, 11:30 chemo starts and runs over 5-6 hours.
Wish me luck:) I'll try to write during, after or the next day.

wrapping up

My trip is coming to an end tomorrow. It has been a great visit that went way too fast. Anna left this morning, was great seeing her. Yesterday we walked the loop in Valley Forge Park and then last night had dinner with the ladies (mom, Martie, Maria). What a lovely evening. When we got home we of course had to watch the Bachelorette. I even have my mom hooked, I think. Relaxing day today then heading out for dinner tonight with the family. My plane leaves tomorrow around 4pm and gets in at 10:30pm. It will be home, unpack and bed for me then a long day of chemo:( I feel sick just thinking about it but ready to get it started. Can't wait to see my husband tomorrow night.

Goodbye PA, I will miss you...

Need to feel better...

I have been fighting this stupid cold/sinus infection since Sunday. I am sure it has not helped that I have been busy every day and staying up way too late. Today I slept in, until 10, and have been relaxing all day. I was thinking about going out on Friday night but not now. My friend Anna is coming on Saturday to visit from Maine and will be in town until Tuesday morning. I know we will be busy while she is in town and we have a history of drinking too much wine together:) I can't wait to see her.

I need to get better for next Thursday or else they may cancel my treatment. Time for rest, fluids, and meds...

doctor's and more doctor's

It was been a long and fun filled weekend. Saturday night my brother and sister came over to watch the flyer's. It was nice, felt like back in the good old days when we were kids and did not care about staying in on a Saturday night with mom and dad. We had a nice relaxing evening and in bed early. On Sunday my sister had a bbq at her house for a bunch of our friends. It was crazy leading up to the party running around getting ready. Guests arrived around 4pm and the fun began. All the running around was worth it. I am pretty sure we all had a great time. It was so nice to see everyone, thanks Stace for hosting and thanks everyone for coming:) Yesterday was a recovery day and of course last night the Bachelorette, I know I am a loser. I spent the night at Stacey's house, this time NO kids in bed with us. This morning I met our realtor at Mark's townhouse in West Chester to do a walk through. We have not been inside since we moved out over 3 years ago. I met the tenants, very nice people. From there I headed to another appointment, ultra sound, nothing to worry about just routine. I grabbed lunch and then off to see my ob/gyn. Fun day. My mom should be home from work soon and then my sister will be here to pick me up. I am spending the night there again and going to the dentist with her and the girls tomorrow. It should be interesting, Ella's first visit. I'll write later...

Where has the week gone...

I cannot believe it is Friday already. We had a safe flight on Tuesday, got in around 8:15pm. Mike and Kelly picked us up. Of course with the time change I had trouble falling asleep and was up until 2am. Wednesday me and my mom went to the dansko outlet so I could get shoes for work. They sell them for 1/2 price, it is great and I wish I could buy a bunch and ship them back to CA for all my co-workers. That will be a stop for sure each time I am in town. That night we had dinner at my sister's house with the girls. I can't get over how chatty Ella has gotten. Yesterday we got our toes done and then went to The Desmond to see the Chatterband. Great time except for the rain. Last night I spent the night at my sister's. We had decided that we'd bring Sadie in to my sister's bed to sleep with us. Then my sister said, why don't we get Ella too. I went and got her and brought her over. Within minutes my sister and Sadie were sound asleep. Ella and I chatted, I should say Ella chatted, for about an hour. "hey Aunt Jen, what are you doing?", "Aunt Jen look at the perfect fan that pop put in", on and on and on. At around 1am I called my husband and had him listen in. I finally was able to get her to lay next to me in the bed and shortly after she fell asleep. By that point I had no room and did not want to move her and wake her so I put a pillow in my spot and one on the floor and headed to Sadie's bed for a few hours sleep. I had a blast but am a little sleepy today. Relaxing today then going to dinner tonight with my parents. It has finally cooled off but will be back in the high 80's tomorrow.

I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday weekend. Be safe:)