annoyed

This post is me being 100% honest about my feelings so you may not want to read.

I must say, I am so annoyed. I have had lots of people during and after my chemo say to me when they first saw me, "wow, I thought most people when they get chemo, you know???". And I've filled in the blank, lost weight. That has not been peoples exact words but very close to it. What the heck do you say to that. I know some cancer pts look sickly, as I like to put it but I'd never say I'd expect them to look really skinny (however some pts do). I just think it is so rude and I never know how to respond to it. As many of you know me, I usually say what is on my mind. I know that most of the time I have filled in the blanks for people and said, "no, not me, I gained weight". That is the truth people, yes, I did not lose weight I gained it and I am sorry. Could it be that my body was put in a state of menopausal shock, or could it be that they told me I could not run or do strenuous activity, or could it be that I just wanted to sleep instead of walk, or could it be that I had my mom here cooking/buying lots of my favorite foods/snacks??? I don't know but the fact of the matter is that I have put on a few pounds and I am tired of people noticing. I guess some people expect me to look skin and bones. The truth is, I only felt nauseous during chemo a few times and NEVER got sick. I was one of the pts that actually took the meds that they gave me so I would not get sick. I took them for 4 days after chemo even if I did not really need them. I was not going to wait around to get sick to take the meds, and no one should ever do that. It is bad enough that I don't have hair and can't workout and then I have to hear that I look fat (in so many words). Well, happy to announce that I am on a diet.

On another note, it was great having company at radiation for the first 2 weeks and I did not notice it until this week. My first week I had company a few days and last week I had someone with me all five days. This week I had Monika with me Monday and Mark with me Tuesday so the last two days I went alone. I did not think it was a big deal until today when I looked around the waiting room and realized that everyone had someone with them:( Thankfully Mark picked up on that and he plans to go with me tomorrow. To top it all off, my skin is red and itchy.

So happy for weekends!