annoyed

This post is me being 100% honest about my feelings so you may not want to read.

I must say, I am so annoyed. I have had lots of people during and after my chemo say to me when they first saw me, "wow, I thought most people when they get chemo, you know???". And I've filled in the blank, lost weight. That has not been peoples exact words but very close to it. What the heck do you say to that. I know some cancer pts look sickly, as I like to put it but I'd never say I'd expect them to look really skinny (however some pts do). I just think it is so rude and I never know how to respond to it. As many of you know me, I usually say what is on my mind. I know that most of the time I have filled in the blanks for people and said, "no, not me, I gained weight". That is the truth people, yes, I did not lose weight I gained it and I am sorry. Could it be that my body was put in a state of menopausal shock, or could it be that they told me I could not run or do strenuous activity, or could it be that I just wanted to sleep instead of walk, or could it be that I had my mom here cooking/buying lots of my favorite foods/snacks??? I don't know but the fact of the matter is that I have put on a few pounds and I am tired of people noticing. I guess some people expect me to look skin and bones. The truth is, I only felt nauseous during chemo a few times and NEVER got sick. I was one of the pts that actually took the meds that they gave me so I would not get sick. I took them for 4 days after chemo even if I did not really need them. I was not going to wait around to get sick to take the meds, and no one should ever do that. It is bad enough that I don't have hair and can't workout and then I have to hear that I look fat (in so many words). Well, happy to announce that I am on a diet.

On another note, it was great having company at radiation for the first 2 weeks and I did not notice it until this week. My first week I had company a few days and last week I had someone with me all five days. This week I had Monika with me Monday and Mark with me Tuesday so the last two days I went alone. I did not think it was a big deal until today when I looked around the waiting room and realized that everyone had someone with them:( Thankfully Mark picked up on that and he plans to go with me tomorrow. To top it all off, my skin is red and itchy.

So happy for weekends!

Hair Hair

Just when I was getting used to having no or little hair, my hair started to grow back. Now all I can think about is, come on stupid hair, grow, grow. I am ready to style, ready to put product in my hair, ready to get a cut and color again. On the other hand, it has been a big money saver!

That's really been on my mind all week so that is what I decided to write about. Week is going well so far. I'll write later.

week 2 done

I am done 2 weeks of radiation. Wow how fast it is going. My week went well. I was a little tired on Thursday so just came home and took a 2 hour nap and I did not care at all!! That is one thing that I really had to get used to with all of this is to listen to my body and not feel bad when I have to sleep in, sleep all day, or nap. That was hard for me to get used to but I am there now. I used to beat myself about napping and not walking/running. Not anymore. My skin is holding up but I did notice today that I have a pink/red area under my arm. I'll keep an eye on it and if it gets worse I'll see the doctor early this week. Until then, lots of lotion.

Several months ago I reconnected with the YSC (young survival coalition), a group of survivors under the age of 40. I had been involved when I lived in PA and recently found the NorCal chapter and have been on the email list. I've wanted to attend different events but they never worked out with my chemo schedule. I got an email last week that they were having a "wine and cheese" night at one of the members house in San Jose. When I googled the address I found that it was 5 minutes down the road from me, right behind Ebay (where Mark works). I RSVP'd that I'd be there. I have done the support group thing before and it never really worked out for me but I had hopes that this would be different because of the age group and there would be wine there, you can't go wrong with that! It started at 6:30 and I figured I'd be there for no longer then 2 hours. It was a nice turnout, about 8 ladies. We varied in age from 28yrs old to 40. We sat around and talked about cancer, our stories and other topics, it was great. At one point I looked at my watch and it was 9pm and the next time I checked it was 10:30pm. It felt like we had only been there for an hour or so. It actually was so nice to sit around and talk about cancer (never thought I'd say that). I left feeling really happy and really glad that I attended. Of course I volunteered to have another wine/cheese night at my place!

Tomorrow I have radiation at 1130 then 10 the rest of the week. Monika will be driving me to treatment in the morning. I plan to take a nice long walk tomorrow afternoon. You know what, if I am tired I'll just take a nap:)

G.Night.....

great weekend

We had a wonderful time in Palm Springs and I was sad to come home. We arrived there around 1:30 on Friday, checked in to the hotel then headed for the tram ride. As we were pulling up to the parking lot I noticed the tram and how very high it went. At that point Mark decided to tell me that, "oh yeah, and the tram spins around too while your in it". If I would have known that before, I probably would have told him NO WAY. So up we went and it was not as bad as I thought. We did a little hike while we were up there and then headed down shortly before sunset. On Saturday, which was our actually anniversary, Mark got up super early and headed to play golf. I got up later and went to the spa for a massage and oil/lotion body wrap. It was amazing and so relaxing. I spent a little time after my treatment relaxing by the private pool. I met up with Mark for lunch and then we headed to Joshua Tree. What a neat park. During our drive through the park it started getting really dark and cloudy. Next thing we knew we saw lightening and then heard thunder. We never get that out here so it was neat to see and hear. Shortly after it started pouring rain. I looked at the clock and it was 330 when the rain started and around 4 when it stopped. I know this sounds silly but that same day last year in Barbados it poured rain from the same time! I thought it was neat and told Mark that we are going to have even more good luck:) Saturday night we had a nice dinner at Ruth's Chris and for dessert we enjoyed a bite of our wedding cake. Thanks to my mom for bringing out the top layer last time she came for a visit. Then Sunday was a relaxing day by the pool and Monday we were back in Campbell.

Radiation is going well but I must say I hate having to go 5 days a week. It did not bother me last week but this week it is really getting to me. I know it will go super fast. It sure has been great getting rides from friends! Another event for the week, I got an email today from the Young Survival Coalition group in my area and one of the survivors is hosting a wine and cheese night at her house on Friday. It is only minutes from my house so I plan to go and looking forward to meeting new people. Should be a fun time! Cheers...

Palm Springs

This morning my alarm did not go off and I woke up and the clock said 645, I had a 7am radiation appt. We jumped out of bed, brushed teeth, got dressed and off we went. I called them on the way to let them know I'd be late. Got there around 715 and they took me right back. We are all packed and I am ready to go just waiting on Mark.

Palm Springs here we come. Talk to you all Monday:)

week one

I am almost done my first week of radiation, one more day to go. This week was a little different from the ones to follow. They had to take x-rays and do checks and other things so the appts have been longer. As of today, all the kinks are worked out. They will be doing x-rays once a week and I'll be meeting with my doctor and the nurses (for a skin check) on Thursday's. My skin is a little, I mean little, pink (noticed tonight) and this afternoon I felt so tired. I really think it is just this week and the previous catching up to me (well hoping anyway), I did have a busy week. I'll keep you all posted.

Wednesday evening Stacy came over after work and we went out for dinner and drinks. I have not seen her for weeks and it was nice to relax and catch up. Today I walked to get a mani/pedi then met up with Monika at her house for coffee. After coffee Monika, and her daughter Natalie, took me to my radiation appt (thanks Monika). Tonight Mark and I went to the mall for a few things for our trip. We are headed to Palm Springs tomorrow for our 1 year anniversary which is Saturday. I cannot wait for 9am Saturday when I'll be in the spa getting a massage.

I talked to Stacy on Wednesday about my radiation appts Mon-Fri and transportation. She posted on the site "lots of helping hands" that I needed a ride next week from Tues-Friday. The next morning I had emails confirming rides from my C2 family for each day, thx ladies (Amy, Jaime, Mary, Hazel). I feel so loved and am so thankful for wonderful co-workers. It will be so nice to not have to worry about driving and great to have someone with me.

Tomorrow brings 7am radiation and 10:40 flight to Palm Springs, yahooooooooooo...

Way late...

As I am sure many of you know the last post was the day my parents left and I was writing how sad I was to see them leave. Little did they know I'd show up at the airport and surprise them. They left the house 30 minutes before I did in the rental car with Peg and Ed. I quickly packed, showered and headed to the airport with my little bag. I zipped through security and located the gate number. While I was heading to the gate I did see my dad buying a drink but he did not see me. When I got to the gate, Peg was sitting facing me and my mom was facing the opposite (with her back to me). It was great! I walked up and said, "is anyone going to philly". I wish I had a picture of my mom's face. It was priceless. Her first reaction was, what did we forget? I cannot believe she thought that security would let me through b/c my mom forgot something. She then grabbed my boarding pass and realized I was really heading to PA. My dad then arrived at the gate and was also speechless. The surprise did not end there. I had Kelly pick me up at the airport and take me to my brothers house. He thought that she needed a paper signed (which I think she did). She called him when we got there and told him to come to the back door and let her in. There I stood. He was not expecting me at all. The next day, Wednesday, my parents had the day off and my sister happened to call and asked if she could come over for lunch. She got there and I hid upstairs. Once she was in the house I came down and in to the kitchen and said, "who invited you". She fell over on to the kitchen table, it was great. That night my sister was at her house with Sadie getting clothing for her dance class and I showed up and rang the doorbell. I put a scarf on my head b/c the last few times I talked to Sadie she asked me to wear my wig when I come home b/c she is scared of my bald head. Sadie looked at me through the window and ran away, uh oh. My sister let me in and Sadie was hiding in the kitchen crying. We let her know that it was ok and I took my scarf off and told her to feel my little fuzzy hair I had. She said, oh it's fuzzy and was fine from that point on. I then got Ella that night when my sister picked her up. It was so great surprising everyone and enjoying the week before radiation started.

On Thursday I met my friend Jesse for coffee/lunch and mani/pedi. We had a nice afternoon. I was glad we were able to meet up b/c last time I was home it did not work out. That night my sister and I met Daryl, Tiff, Jason, Beth, Sean, and Lisa for dinner at Kooma in West Chester. We had a great dinner, wish I had more time to spend with them. Friday night was the big sleepover at my parents house. My sister and the girls spent the night and my brother and Kelly came over to watch the Phillies game. It was a fun night, lots of dancing and running around with the girls. On Saturday me, my mom, and sister took the girls the Merrymead farm to pick pumpkins. Saturday night my sister and I went out for dinner with my mom and dad and then met my brother and his friends at his house. Sunday was relaxing and saying goodbye to everyone then up at 4:00am on Mondya for my flight. When I got back Monday Mark picked me up and we headed to Palo Alto to p/u my friend Jill at the train station. We did the Palo Alto/Stanford tour then headed to the cancer center for my first radiation appt. I must admit I was nervous. I know that it will be nothing compared to chemo but it is the unknown that made me nervous (I did not have radiation the first time around). After radiation we stopped by our house then went to Santana Row for dinner. After dinner we took Jill to the airport just in time. Thankfully her flight was 10 minutes delayed. It was so great seeing her even though it was only for the afternoon. Tuesday was dentist and radiation and today was oncologist and radiation. The first 2 appts took longer b/c they are still working out the bugs (not sure that sounds good). Today's appt only took about 20 minutes, not bad at all. I also had a f/u with my oncologist. Nothing new just checked me out and chatted. I'll go back and see her the week after Thanksgiving.

Sorry for the delay and hope I got everyone up to speed. Tomorrow I plan to get a mani/pedi then have radiation at 3pm. On Friday I have 7am radiation then flight at 10:40 to Palm Springs for our 1 year anniversary. I cannot believe it has been 1 year, and what a year it has been. I am so thankful to have such a wonderful husband.

Bye for now....

Happy Breast Cancer Awarness Month

Wow, what a great couple of weeks it has been with my mom and dad here. I am sitting here watching them pack as I type, so sad:( After my last post we were on our way to Morro Bay. Usually 60's there but while we were in town it was in the 70's and beautiful. We drove back to Campbell on Wednesday and met up with my parent's friends Peg and Ed. By this point I am feeling very well (from my last tx). We took them to Testarossa for a wine tasting then all came back to get ready for dinner. We went to Steamer's in Los Gatos for dinner for Mark's birthday. This restaurant is very special to my dad. It is were Mark ask my dad if he could have my hand in marriage (which of course my dad announced as he made his toast at dinner that night:) . Thursday morning we headed to Napa for some wine tasting. I was the DD which I must say was not as bad as I had expected. It was nice to be on the other side for once, Mark is always my driver. From Napa we drove to Glen Ellen which is in Sonoma and where the house was we were staying at for 2 nights. What a beautiful house. I love the wood burning fireplace, we had a fire both nights. On Friday we had a limo pick us up and we went wine tasting in Sonoma. Saturday morning we got up and headed to San Fran to drop Peg and Ed off so they could spend 2 nights in the city. For Mark, mom, dad, and me we had a surprise for Mark that night for his birthday. We took him to the Mountain Winery, had dinner, and saw Wanda Sykes. What a great show and great laughs. To finish off a great vacation for us all, Sunday we spend the night at the Ritz Carlton Half Moon Bay. Mark and I were there last year and decided to get my parents a gift card to use the next time they came out. We both had rooms with a fire pit on the porch facing the 18th hole overlooking the water. Unfortunately the clouds were pretty thick and we could not see a sunset. Still amazing though. After breakfast Monday we drove to Palo Alto to pick up Peg and Ed at the train station. Mark gave them the Stanford tour while I had my appt in the radiation Department to get verified and one more tattoo. I start radiation on Monday 10/11. Last night was a great dinner, thanks to Mark, here with everyone. Now, like I said, watching my parents pack, boo hoo hoo.

I'll be seeing them off and write more in the next few days.