holidays

It has been a difficult few weeks for me. I've been a little depressed but pushing through. A few weeks ago I went to see my oncologist and was just expecting a quick, "you look great, see you in 3 months", visit but got more then that. I was overwhelmed by the information and things I needed to put on my "to do" list. The biggest challenge for me was my first zoladex injection. This shot will put my ovaries in a menopausal state for the next 5 years while I take arimidex, a pill that I will take daily. I have to get the shot once a month for the next 5 years. I was just enjoying the thought of being done with everything and then the thought of doing this every month really upset me. I've been handling everything really well (so I think) and then when it came time for this shot I lost it. I cried the night before and even after I got the injection I stopped by my oncologists office and talked to her and a few other people while I was there. Even cried on the drive home. I have no idea why it was so hard for me, I've done surgery, chemo and radiation, geez. One thing that made me feel better was hearing my oncologist tell me that I did not sign a 5 year contract and that if I want to stop at any point she will support me. She told me she'd obviously try to talk me out of it but she would support whatever decision I make. I think all of these feelings are happening because I am now trying to live a "normal" life. Not only am I trying to get back to normal but it is the holidays and we will be in California for them. To top it all off I had to have some dental work done which sounded like an easy procedure and ended needing a crown with crown lengthening (cut my gum, cut out some bone, and moved it to where the crown is to help hold it in place). The dentist told me today that it would not hurt that bad, b---s--- is all I have to say.

Sorry for venting, this has been building up for weeks. Although I will miss my family dearly, I am looking forward to spending Christmas Eve with the Cox's.

Happy Holidays to all:)