DONE

Well I am happy to announce that I am done radiation. I finished treatment number 28 yesterday! It was so strange not having radiation today. It really became a full-time job. I told my radiology girls yesterday that I might have to just show up there today just because. They laughed and said that was fine I could come in and hang out with them. I walked out and wanted to scream but the man in the waiting room did not look too happy so I decided to hold it in and then cry once he was out of sight. I had to go back to work for 2 meetings then went to PF Chang's with some of the girls to celebrate. It was a nice end to a long day and journey.

I am having a good day today. I met up with Lynda for lunch and a little window shopping then went for a run. Just got back and called my mom and then got a bath and used one of my bath ice cream's from my Aunt Lynne, so relaxing. I am feeling a little "down" today. I haven't figured out why yet but I assume it is because my life has changed yet again. It has been a looonnngg 6 months of crap and now today it is OVER, scary but good. I know many of you are thinking, you should be happy. Don't get me wrong, I am, but also sad/confused at the same time. Oh well, I'll figure it out.

Wishing it was Sunday at 8:50pm and I am getting off the plane in Philadelphia and being greeted by my mom and dad:) 2 more days....

Almost forgot, I will see my cardiologist tomorrow at 11:30 and hope to never have to see him again. I'll write tomorrow with any important updates from him.

good news

Well the nurse today that did my echo said that she did not see any fluid around my heart. I will no for sure when I see my cardiologist on Friday but I do trust the nurse. This is what she does all day and both times previous she pointed out the fluid to me. My only problem now is feeling exhausted. I slept in today until 930 but could not kick the tired feeling. I came home from my echo and slept a few hours this afternoon. I guess I cannot complain too much b/c this is my last week of radiation. I am happy that my energy was high for the first 5 weeks. Here is to a better, more energy day tomorrow!!!

almost done

Work went well on Tuesday and Wednesday however I was exhausted on Wednesday but got through my 8 hour day. That night I met a friend from the YSC and Stacy at the wine bar in the pruneyard. It was hard to keep my eyes open but so glad we were able to meet for a drink. After my treatment on Thursday I saw the doctor and she said my skin was still looking ok although the pain had increased. She said she'd stop in this week on Wednesday to see how I was doing since that is my last day. I'll be getting a PET scan done mid-end of February and then seeing her after I have it done to discuss results. She said she usually does a CT scan but since I am allergic to the dye she'd do the PET first and then CT if we need it. I am hopefully we won't need to do any further tests!

I found out a few weeks ago that my Aunt Lynne and Uncle Dave from Dallas were coming to town to stay at the Ritz for a few nights and they were hoping we could get together. It worked out that I had off on Friday so we had planned to meet for dinner. I talked to my Aunt earlier this week and she asked if Mark would like to golf Friday morning with my Uncle. Mark had planned to take me to radiation so I asked my Aunt if she would like to join me instead. It worked out perfect. The men golfed and the ladies did radiation! After my appt we went over to C2 and I showed her around and introduced her to some co-workers. The next stop was the Stanford Shopping center. It was great having my Aunt with me and nice that I got to show her where my second home is, C2. We met back up at 530 and gave them a quick driving tour of Stanford then had dinner at Lavanda. Dinner was fabulous! I am so glad it worked out that we were able to spend time with them.

I was super tired on Saturday, slept in and even took a long nap in the afternoon. The pain under my arm has been keeping me up at night, NO FUN. I was scheduled to work today but decided to take an "R & R" day. This is my last week of radiation so I do not want to overdue it. I am ready to be done, 1-2-3 more to go. Tomorrow I have radiation and then my f/u echo to see if I still have fluid around my heart. I have not had any chest pain so I am sure that everything will be fine. The nurses are really good and I know they will tell me during the test if they see anything unusual. I do not see my cardiologist until Friday and would really hate if I had to wait that long. Like I said, they usually tell me what they see. I'll be sure to write another post tomorrow with an update.

Off to enjoy a glass of wine, cheers...

skin

My first day back at work on Sunday was wonderful. I felt so loved and welcomed. Everyone checked in with me all day to make sure I was doing ok and offer help if needed. I must say, it was also really nice working with pts again. It wasn't before long that I felt that feeling of joy knowing that I love being a nurse. The day went smooth, just took me a little longer do to certain things and I found myself forgetting simple items like alcohol swabs, flushes, tape, etc. This meant making several trips in and out of my pts rooms. All in all it was a good day. Sunday night I was in bed by 10 and felt super tired when I first woke-up. Once I got up and moving and had my coffee I was fine. Monika drove me to radiation which was actually eventful. Over the weekend the skin under my arm had become more red, almost purple, painful, and broken down in one area so I asked to see the doctor before my radiation. Her first recommendation was take a break from tx until Thursday. My response, NO WAY, get it done. After a few more convincing words she agreed to keep moving but said we'd have to take it day by day and keep a close eye on it. It makes it worse b/c there is friction when I swing my arm which I do all day while walking. She prescribed silvadene lotion to apply at night, domeboro, and vigilon. I've been doing my best to keep up with all of it and really hoping it helps. I sure was glad to have a friend there with me for all of this. After my tx Monika and I went to Santana Row for lunch and a little shopping. It was a great day but did not end there. When I got home I had 2 boxes waiting for me from my cousin Melissa. Here she had a dinner party last week with her friends and asked them all to bring something to put in a care package for me. There were so many goodies; books, journals, a scarf, lotion, bath foam, nail polish, lip sticks/glosses, and lots more. After opening all the items I noticed a card. It was signed by my cousin and all the girls along with lots of encouraging messages. It only took a few moments before the tears filled my eyes. How extremely thoughtful of my cousin for organizing this and her friends for getting involved. I am feeling the love from TN, thanks Melissa and friends:)

Today was work for 8 hours then over to the cancer center for radiation. I had a little breakdown on my drive home. I think I was overwhelmed by working and then having to go to radiation (this was the first day I had to do that). I just want to be DONE with all of this. I am so ready to move on. I called Mark crying and he talked me through it like he always does. Same routine tomorrow and hoping I can keep it together.

Night Night...

good week

I had a great week and cannot believe it is over already. My diet started (haha) and I have been picking up my work-out routine. What has been on my mind all week is work. I'll be going back to work this Sunday and I am freaking out! The thought of getting up at 5am makes me sick. Will I remember anything? Will my pts ask me what happened to my hair? Will I make mistakes? Will I get through 8 hours? The list goes on and on. One thing is for sure that I have GREAT co-workers and I know they will support me all the way. It is good that I am starting on Sunday because the weekends tend to be a little less crazy (usually). I am hoping for a nice smooth 8 hour shift. Tomorrow I have an all day Breast Cancer Conference which I am really looking forward to. I'll be getting up at 7 and it does not end until 5pm so I know I will be tired and able to fall asleep Saturday night. Plus, we get an extra hour of sleep:)

I finished week 4 of radiation. My skin is holding on, just looks like a real bad sunburn with some skin peeling in areas. The area under my arm is starting to hurt and irritate me. The fact that my arm rubs the most there (even more so when I exercise) does not help matters. The doctor told me to start doing lotion 4-5 times a day and putting aquaphor on at night. I need to load up my purse and work bag with lotions. Anything to keep my skin holding on.

Well, Sunday will be my first day of returning to "normal" as people like to say. It is really going to be hard. The last 6 months of my life have been filled with chemo, radiation, labs, x-rays, CT scans, doctors, echos, no hair, feeling like crap, and sleeping. Once radiation is over I'll be thrown back in to reality and I must say it is scary. It will be great to have a week in PA for Thanksgiving when I finish radiation to enjoy some time with my family and friends. Then it will really be back to reality.

Hoping for a good night sleep for my big day tomorrow...