SUCKS

Today is the day that I have been dreaded for weeks. Yesterday my hair really started to fall out. After I showered last evening there was so much hair coming out. Mark wanted to shave it last night but I just wasn't ready, not that I am ready today. I woke up this morning with lots of hair on my pillowcase and that's when I knew it really was time. I can't do this, I don't want to do this. Not having a choice in the matter, today is the day we are going to shave my head. Mark and Joanne are coming home for lunch and Stacy is also going to stop over. On top of all of this, I have chemo tomorrow. Things really SUCK....

great weekend

My hair is still holding on, who knows. It has been falling out but not terrible yet. I had a sad night Friday after our company left. I started thinking, "why me", "why is this happening again", "this sucks". After a late night call to my brother I realized, I know my life could be worse and I don't know if I will ever have an answer to any of those questions so no use in thinking them. Thanks Mike, your the best! Off to bed I went.

On Saturday we went for a 3 hour walk. It was great but I have no idea why we forgot to bring water. Thankfully there were 4 water fountains along the way. We got a late start so it was hot by the time we were near home. Stayed in and had movie night Saturday. We watched Alice in Wonderland. I thought it was really good and wished I had seen it in 3D. Went to bed early because we had an early morning on Sunday. The plan was to leave at 8:30 which turned out to be 9, not too bad. We drove to Carmel and had breakfast at Katy's, so good. When we left Katy's the sun was out, still a little chilly but it was only 11 at that point. We stopped at JCrew and Mark bought me a few things. From there, Mark headed to get the car and I went to the Coach outlet store. I got the cutest bag at the greatest price. It was marked down, then 50% off and an additional 30% off, can't beat that (even if Mark thinks I did not need it:-). We then drove down the street to the beach. By this point the fog had rolled in and the temp dropped. We had our beach chairs, towels, and a cooler and were planning to sit on the beach for a few hours. When we stepped out of the car and realized how cold it was we changed our minds and drove home. There are plenty of other days for the beach. All in all it was a great relaxing weekend spent with my husband.

I am really not looking forward to Thursday. Just starting to feel back to normal and have to do it again. I have to keep telling myself, one step closer to the end of all of this.

So excited for the Bachelorette tonight!

Hair

Ok well my hair is still intact. I remember from last time it started falling out 2 weeks after my first treatment. Yesterday was 2 weeks. There is some hair falling out but nothing major. Maybe it won't happen until after my 2nd treatment on July 1st, who knows.

Tonight we are finally having the lasagna that Angela made for us with some of my mom's homemade meatballs. I can't wait.

Happy Friday everyone...

anxious

I had a nice day today. Got up early and headed to Palo Alto. Stopped on C2 for a visit. It was so nice to see everyone and great to chat with Karen. From there I went to Nordstrom to look for a new pair of black heels. I found a great pair that were actually cheaper then the ones I originally had. I headed to Max's to meet Mary Jane for lunch. It was so nice to see her and catch up. Came home, cleaned the house and then took a little cat nap. I woke up around 5, had a cup of tea and went for a run. It is so depressing that I am just starting to feel ok running but I know I will be knocked back down on July 1st. It sucks.

So this week my hair will start falling out. If it is anything like last time it will happen on Thursday. I am so anxious and nervous about it. I really don't know why because last time I did not care at all. Not sure if it has to do with where I am leaving now or what. Maybe it won't fall out this time, yeah right. I know it is just hair and it will grow back but it is really upsetting. I am not looking forward to all the stares. I will say I am very prepared, I have my wig ready, lots of hats (thanks to my C2 family), and scarves. Last time I lost my hair I did not wear anything on my head and who knows, maybe I won't this time either but at least I am prepared.

Finishing my glass of wine and heading to bed...

great day!

I started feeling much better on Thursday, the bone pain just came in waves. I put a call out to the nurse just to make sure. She told me as long as I am not having fever or chills that the pain was from the neulasta injection. Also given I was at the peak day, shot good for 11 days, I was right in the middle of that. She suggested I try ativan. I took a 1/2 a pill around dinner time and did feel more relaxed. Not so sure it helped the pain, worth a try. I was still able to walk to Target then to Monika's for coffee. I did take her up on her offer to drive me home.

By Friday I was back to my normal self. I met Jill in Palo Alto, we walked the dish, then had lunch at California Cafe. It was a great afternoon. On my way home I stopped by Anthro and bought the cutest dress. Friday night we went to dinner with the Cox's, Jen, and Kevin then went to play Bocce ball. I wasn't that great at Bocce but what a fun night!

Today laid out back in the sun for a few hours and off to Amy's for a BBQ. I am so glad that I am feeling better and looking forward to getting a run in tomorrow.

Hope everyone is enjoying this beautiful weekend, cheers:-)

bad bones

I was having a great day today. Went to the Giant's game with Mark and his co-workers. Could not have asked for a better day. Mark dropped me off around 5ish and he headed back to work to get some stuff done. At some point I got up to check something on the computer and my back felt like it went in to spasms. The bone pain is back. I called Mark crying and told him he had to come home ASAP. I do not recall this from last time. From what I remember I felt the aches day 2-3 and then was fine. Before I started my treatment I spoke to a friend who is around my age and getting the same treatment and she said that she feels bad day 5-7. Well this is around day 5. I am hoping that this will pass and I will feel better by tomorrow.

That's about all I can do for tonight. Sleep, sleep, sleep

much better

Well as you recall Sunday was terrible. I did not want to do anything but sleep. I am finally feeling better. It still comes in waves though. I feel ok from noon until 10pm then I start to get a terrible headache and body aches again. It is so strange. I had planned to go to a concert with Mark tonight but was not feeling up to it so he went alone. What a guy. On the plan for tomorrow, Giants game with Ebay. Should be a fun day and Mark is driving so if I need to leave early we can.

I've been struggling with the question I always get from strangers, "do you have kids"? Of course my answer is no we just got married. This is followed by thoughts of, I cannot believe that this is how we have to spend our first year of marriage. I keep thinking how glad I am that I put off seeing my doctor until after the wedding but still, why this year. I know it is out of my control and I am so happy that we did get married and I know we will have many more good years together. I love my husband.

Hoping for a good day tomorrow at the ball park, go Giants!!!

So tired

Well I had my first treatment on Thursday. It was a very long day. Started with labs at 9:30 then saw the doctor around 11am and headed for chemo at 1130. They were behind so I did not get called back until 1240. By the time he got everything started it was 2pm. The infusion went smoothly, no reactions. Mark was by my side the entire time, he is a great husband. We just chatted for most of the time and then he got us lunch. I think I closed my eyes for a few minutes. I even had a few other visitors, Stacy, Dr. Presti, Karen, and Cecilia, that was a nice surprise. At one point I got a little nervous that we were being too loud:) We left the cancer center around 4:30 and were determined to go home and get ready and go out for a nice dinner. That is our goal, a nice dinner after each treatment. So we headed to La Fondue in Saratoga. I was able to enjoy a lovely dinner with Mark, no problems. Home and to bed for both of us.

Early Friday morning I was woken by a dream that I had vomited. When I did actually wake up my stomach felt terrible. My zofran and compazine weren't due for 2 more hours. I went downstairs and got some crackers and water and fell back asleep. My stomach was touch and go all day. Lynda arrived in the morning with a bagel then we headed out for a walk which I managed to do but it was difficult. I got a shower later that afternoon and I felt so out of shape, it is crazy. For the most part I was still feeling ok the day after. I gave myself my nuelasta shot at 5 and then Stacy and Jaime stopped after work and I was able to chat for a few hours and even drank a glass (or 2) of wine. I really needed a girls night.

Saturday morning I started feeling the bone aches and tiredness that I remember from last time. I was able to get out of bed around 10 to eat go for a walk and then we even went to the pool. I did come home and nap after the pool but all in all an ok day. One thing I did notice today my taste buds are gone. Nothing tastes good or even sounds good for that matter. Water does not even taste right:(

As hard as today was I knew I had to get on here and type. I have done nothing but sleep all day. My body hurts, even my mouth, and all I want to do is sleep. Mark did not realize I would feel this bad today and had made plans to golf. Thankfully Lynda called me at 10 and then at 11 and insisted on coming over and bringing me a bagel. If it wasn't for her I would not have had anything to eat until Mark got home. I don't even feel like drinking water but know I have to for my bodies sake. I have finally mustard up enough energy to get a cup of coffee and call my sister and the girls and my parents. I knew hearing all of their voices would cheer me up. Not sure what is in store for tomorrow but sure hope it is better then today.

I apologize if some of this does not make sense, think I am getting chemo brain already...

Back in Cali

We had a nice evening out for dinner with my mom, sister, and dad. Trouble started when we got home and my mom went up to bed and my dad and I thought it was a good idea to stay up until 2:30am. I slept in until noon :( Got up and showered and packed. Had lunch with mom and dad while we were checking my flight status. I was to leave at 4:20 which got moved to 4:50 so still thought I was safe. I refreshed again and it said 6pm. That meant I'd miss my flight out of Dallas. I got on the phone with AA to get it worked out. Rushed around, got in the car and to the airport at 2:45 for 3:50 flight to Chicago. When I got there they could not find my ticket. I had to call AA again and wait and finally got it taken care of. The flight left on time. In Chicago I had 1 hour but need to get to the AA gate from the US gate. Luckily the flight was 20 minsSJC at 9:30. Not too bad.

Once home I had to go throw a pile of mail and ate a snack. Headed upstairs to shower and unpack. Laying in my own bed on my clean sheets with my husband, can't beat that. I took a little sleeping aid tonight, hope it works.

Big day tomorrow starts at 9:30 labs, 10:30 Doctor, 11:30 chemo starts and runs over 5-6 hours.
Wish me luck:) I'll try to write during, after or the next day.

wrapping up

My trip is coming to an end tomorrow. It has been a great visit that went way too fast. Anna left this morning, was great seeing her. Yesterday we walked the loop in Valley Forge Park and then last night had dinner with the ladies (mom, Martie, Maria). What a lovely evening. When we got home we of course had to watch the Bachelorette. I even have my mom hooked, I think. Relaxing day today then heading out for dinner tonight with the family. My plane leaves tomorrow around 4pm and gets in at 10:30pm. It will be home, unpack and bed for me then a long day of chemo:( I feel sick just thinking about it but ready to get it started. Can't wait to see my husband tomorrow night.

Goodbye PA, I will miss you...

Need to feel better...

I have been fighting this stupid cold/sinus infection since Sunday. I am sure it has not helped that I have been busy every day and staying up way too late. Today I slept in, until 10, and have been relaxing all day. I was thinking about going out on Friday night but not now. My friend Anna is coming on Saturday to visit from Maine and will be in town until Tuesday morning. I know we will be busy while she is in town and we have a history of drinking too much wine together:) I can't wait to see her.

I need to get better for next Thursday or else they may cancel my treatment. Time for rest, fluids, and meds...

doctor's and more doctor's

It was been a long and fun filled weekend. Saturday night my brother and sister came over to watch the flyer's. It was nice, felt like back in the good old days when we were kids and did not care about staying in on a Saturday night with mom and dad. We had a nice relaxing evening and in bed early. On Sunday my sister had a bbq at her house for a bunch of our friends. It was crazy leading up to the party running around getting ready. Guests arrived around 4pm and the fun began. All the running around was worth it. I am pretty sure we all had a great time. It was so nice to see everyone, thanks Stace for hosting and thanks everyone for coming:) Yesterday was a recovery day and of course last night the Bachelorette, I know I am a loser. I spent the night at Stacey's house, this time NO kids in bed with us. This morning I met our realtor at Mark's townhouse in West Chester to do a walk through. We have not been inside since we moved out over 3 years ago. I met the tenants, very nice people. From there I headed to another appointment, ultra sound, nothing to worry about just routine. I grabbed lunch and then off to see my ob/gyn. Fun day. My mom should be home from work soon and then my sister will be here to pick me up. I am spending the night there again and going to the dentist with her and the girls tomorrow. It should be interesting, Ella's first visit. I'll write later...