Unknown

Trust.
Just be.
Take a risk.
Go back to bed.
Be still.
Watch mindless TV.
Eat extra dessert.
Take a hot bath.
Be amazing.
Believe.
Sleep in.
Have more chocolate.
Light a candle.
Rest.
Dream.
Hope.
Hold on.
Keep going.

2 down, 4 to go

Well, I now have 2 chemo treatments down. My chemo started late because my oncologist was behind. My counts were just ok. The doc likes your neutrophils to be 1.5 and mine were 1.43. The NP told us that she might cancel my treatment for the day. Thankfully she did not and I was able to head upstairs and get my poison. She told me that we will try neulasta one more time (this is the shot I give myself the day after treatment to boost WBC's) but if it does not do it's job next time we will switch to neupogen which is a shot that I'd have to give myself once a day for 8-10 days. Please keep your fingers crossed that my counts will be good for next time. I did get the all clear for my trip to Dallas this week. We will be leaving on Wednesday for a conference that Mark is speaking in. We will spend 2 nights at the hotel and then Friday-Sunday at the Freeman's house. We are super excited to see my Aunt, Uncle, cousin Melissa and her two children. It is great to have something to look forward to.

We went out for our routine dinner Thursday night to Los Altos Grill. I must say I was worried about my hair. At one point Mark went to the bathroom and I thought for sure everyone was looking at me. I stopped and looked around and not one person was looking my way. Everyone was going about their business as usual enjoying the evening. It was a great feeling to be out with my new hair for the first time.

Mark headed to Dallas on Friday so I spent the weekend with girlfriends. Thanks ladies for babysitting me. I ventured out yesterday to Stacy's house to sit by the pool but today have spent the day inside resting with Mark. Tomorrow is another day. Hope it brings more energy!

SUCKS

Today is the day that I have been dreaded for weeks. Yesterday my hair really started to fall out. After I showered last evening there was so much hair coming out. Mark wanted to shave it last night but I just wasn't ready, not that I am ready today. I woke up this morning with lots of hair on my pillowcase and that's when I knew it really was time. I can't do this, I don't want to do this. Not having a choice in the matter, today is the day we are going to shave my head. Mark and Joanne are coming home for lunch and Stacy is also going to stop over. On top of all of this, I have chemo tomorrow. Things really SUCK....

great weekend

My hair is still holding on, who knows. It has been falling out but not terrible yet. I had a sad night Friday after our company left. I started thinking, "why me", "why is this happening again", "this sucks". After a late night call to my brother I realized, I know my life could be worse and I don't know if I will ever have an answer to any of those questions so no use in thinking them. Thanks Mike, your the best! Off to bed I went.

On Saturday we went for a 3 hour walk. It was great but I have no idea why we forgot to bring water. Thankfully there were 4 water fountains along the way. We got a late start so it was hot by the time we were near home. Stayed in and had movie night Saturday. We watched Alice in Wonderland. I thought it was really good and wished I had seen it in 3D. Went to bed early because we had an early morning on Sunday. The plan was to leave at 8:30 which turned out to be 9, not too bad. We drove to Carmel and had breakfast at Katy's, so good. When we left Katy's the sun was out, still a little chilly but it was only 11 at that point. We stopped at JCrew and Mark bought me a few things. From there, Mark headed to get the car and I went to the Coach outlet store. I got the cutest bag at the greatest price. It was marked down, then 50% off and an additional 30% off, can't beat that (even if Mark thinks I did not need it:-). We then drove down the street to the beach. By this point the fog had rolled in and the temp dropped. We had our beach chairs, towels, and a cooler and were planning to sit on the beach for a few hours. When we stepped out of the car and realized how cold it was we changed our minds and drove home. There are plenty of other days for the beach. All in all it was a great relaxing weekend spent with my husband.

I am really not looking forward to Thursday. Just starting to feel back to normal and have to do it again. I have to keep telling myself, one step closer to the end of all of this.

So excited for the Bachelorette tonight!

Hair

Ok well my hair is still intact. I remember from last time it started falling out 2 weeks after my first treatment. Yesterday was 2 weeks. There is some hair falling out but nothing major. Maybe it won't happen until after my 2nd treatment on July 1st, who knows.

Tonight we are finally having the lasagna that Angela made for us with some of my mom's homemade meatballs. I can't wait.

Happy Friday everyone...

anxious

I had a nice day today. Got up early and headed to Palo Alto. Stopped on C2 for a visit. It was so nice to see everyone and great to chat with Karen. From there I went to Nordstrom to look for a new pair of black heels. I found a great pair that were actually cheaper then the ones I originally had. I headed to Max's to meet Mary Jane for lunch. It was so nice to see her and catch up. Came home, cleaned the house and then took a little cat nap. I woke up around 5, had a cup of tea and went for a run. It is so depressing that I am just starting to feel ok running but I know I will be knocked back down on July 1st. It sucks.

So this week my hair will start falling out. If it is anything like last time it will happen on Thursday. I am so anxious and nervous about it. I really don't know why because last time I did not care at all. Not sure if it has to do with where I am leaving now or what. Maybe it won't fall out this time, yeah right. I know it is just hair and it will grow back but it is really upsetting. I am not looking forward to all the stares. I will say I am very prepared, I have my wig ready, lots of hats (thanks to my C2 family), and scarves. Last time I lost my hair I did not wear anything on my head and who knows, maybe I won't this time either but at least I am prepared.

Finishing my glass of wine and heading to bed...

great day!

I started feeling much better on Thursday, the bone pain just came in waves. I put a call out to the nurse just to make sure. She told me as long as I am not having fever or chills that the pain was from the neulasta injection. Also given I was at the peak day, shot good for 11 days, I was right in the middle of that. She suggested I try ativan. I took a 1/2 a pill around dinner time and did feel more relaxed. Not so sure it helped the pain, worth a try. I was still able to walk to Target then to Monika's for coffee. I did take her up on her offer to drive me home.

By Friday I was back to my normal self. I met Jill in Palo Alto, we walked the dish, then had lunch at California Cafe. It was a great afternoon. On my way home I stopped by Anthro and bought the cutest dress. Friday night we went to dinner with the Cox's, Jen, and Kevin then went to play Bocce ball. I wasn't that great at Bocce but what a fun night!

Today laid out back in the sun for a few hours and off to Amy's for a BBQ. I am so glad that I am feeling better and looking forward to getting a run in tomorrow.

Hope everyone is enjoying this beautiful weekend, cheers:-)